Where have I been -- I can hear you asking. But the real question is where have you been? 

Wait, that doesn't make sense.

My apologies for the (prolonged) absence from the pages of WIM. I'll spare you the (boring) details of my (insanely busy) life and get right to it. I've long-owed you a season-ending statistics post and the final Fake Award winners from the 2009-10 season, so you'll find them below the break (hint: Brett Lebda says goodbye to the Red Wings with a totally prestigious honor). 

RED WINGS STATISTICAL LEADERS :: 2009-10 Season

Games Played :: Todd Bertuzzi, Nicklas Lidstrom, and Brad Stuart (82) -- that's all of them
Of the 962 players to suit up in the NHL this season, only 88 players played in all 82 games for their clubs. Three of them were Red Wings (as compared to the league-wide average of 2.93 players per team playing in all 82). Ian White, who was traded during the season, actually played in 83. Overachiever. 
Goals :: Pavel Datsyuk (27) :: [T37th in the NHL]
Assists :: Henrik Zetterberg (47) :: [T20th in the NHL]
Points :: Pavel Datsyuk and Henrik Zetterberg (70) :: [T28th in the NHL] 
+/- :: Brian Rafalski (+23) :: [T15th in the NHL]
PIM :: Todd Bertuzzi (80) :: [T77th in the NHL]
Far and away the lowest ranked Red Wings player as compared to the rest of the league, but that should come as no surprise. The Wings are often the least penalized team in the NHL (unless they're playing the Sharks in the second round -- ZIIIIINGG! Oh the tears... they burn). 
Power Play Goals :: Tomas Holmstrom (13) :: [6th in the NHL]
Shorthanded Goals :: Darren Helm (3) :: [T5th in the NHL]
Just imagine if homeboy had a pair of hands to work with.
Game Winning Goals :: Henrik Zetterberg (6) :: [T10th in the NHL]
Shots :: Henrik Zetterberg (309) :: [4th in the NHL]
Shooting % :: Tomas Holmstrom (19.1%) :: [3rd in the NHL]
Time on Ice Average :: Nicklas Lidstrom (25:25) :: [11th in the NHL]
Fall off, my ass. 
Shifts Per Game :: Nicklas Lidstrom (29.3) :: [T18th in the NHL]
Faceoff % :: Pavel Datsyuk (55.1) :: [T12th in the NHL]
Faceoffs Taken :: Henrik Zetterberg (1098) :: [45th in the NHL]
Hits :: Brad Stuart (206) :: [17th in the NHL]
At the time of his demotion to Grand Rapids, Justin Abdelkader was in the top ten in the league in hits -- and despite playing in only 50 games, finished third on the Red Wings in hits. 
Giveaways :: Pavel Datsyuk (73) :: [11th in the NHL] 
Takeaways :: Pavel Datsyuk (132) [1st in the NHL]
It wasn't even close. No, literally. Second place (Ryan Kesler) had 83. 

CHRIS CHELIOS AWARD WINNER :: BRETT LEBDA (1 Goal, 63 Games)
*Given at the year's end to the Red Wings defenseman with the fewest goals scored in the most games played. The player must have played in at least 3/4 of the team's games. The award is named for Chris Chelios, who scored 23 goals in his EXACTLY 600 games as a Red Wing.*
Runners-Up:
2. Brad Stuart (4 goals, 82 games)
3. Brian Rafalski (8 goals, 78 games)
4. Nicklas Lidstrom (9 goals, 82 games)
And thus ends Brett Lebda's tenure as a Detroit Red Wing -- but he went out with a bang. Just one bang in 63 games to be precise. For comparison, I scored only one fewer goal (and in 63 fewer games, no less). 

DANNY CLEARY "SACRAFICE YOUR FACE" AWARD WINNER :: DARREN HELM (48)
*Given at the year's end to the Red Wings forward with the most blocked shots. Award is named for Dan Cleary, who is used to becoming synonymous with "black eye" and/or "broken jaw."*
Runners-Up: 
2. Drew Miller (47)
3. Patrick Eaves (44)
4. Henrik Zetterberg (34)

GREG STEFAN AWARD AWARD WINNER :: CHRIS "Sad Trombone" OSGOOD
*Given at the year's end to the Red Wings goaltender that makes you question how they're in the NHL and you aren't. Award is named for Greg Stefan, who played nine seasons for the Red Wings, but only had three seasons with goals against average under 4.* 

MIKAEL SAMUELSSON AWARD WINNER :: HENRIK ZETTERBERG (115)
*Given at the year's end to the Red Wings forward with the most shots to miss the net. Award is named for Mikael Samuelsson, who literally must have been aiming for the 11th row.*
Runners-Up: 
2. Todd Bertuzzi (76)
3. Pavel Datsyuk (71)
By comparison, Mikael Samuelsson had 77 missed shots in Vancouver. His radar must work better north of the border. 

PAST WINNERS
The GoodFellas Award (final Red Wing to be penalized) :: Patrick Eaves
The Derek Meech Award (most games as healthy scratch) :: Derek Meech
The Aaron Downey Award (final Red Wing to score a goal) :: Derek Meech