You're So Money, and You Don't Even Know It

Unfortunately for us, there's nothing going on with the Red Wings for the next couple of days. When that happens, my mind tends to wander, and I realized something the other day: I am too old to go to bars. Not pubs; those are fun, a great place to sit and chat with buddies while having a beverage. Maybe the game is on; maybe there's some good music playing. Either way, that's a good time. I'm talking about clubs, where there's strobe lights, dance floors, and ridiculously expensive drinks. When I did go to these types of places, I had fun, but that was due more to being around good friends. As with any group of guys, we all had our own different personalities. It got me thinking about how we were all different, and how each of us acted a certain way at the club. Being that we're a Red Wings blog, I then thought about each of the teams in the Central Division, and how they'd act if they went to a club. Join me after the jump where I'll pump up the jam.

Were any of you club-goers? Did you put on your collared shirt, dancing shoes, load up on the cologne and head out for a night on the town? Ladies, please don't feel discriminated because I'm referring to the guys here. Can you imagine if the teams in the Central Division were walking into a club? They'd be a good group, because each would be different.

The Chicago Blackhawks would be the young, cocky guy in the group. He was the loser when he was a kid, but he bulked up, hit the weights, did the right things, and one night he was able to pick up the hottest girl in the club. The thing is, you look at him and think that there's no way he can duplicate that. And you know what? You're right. He can't. He bought this girl drinks all night (maybe one of those shooters in the test tubes that are $10), and unfortunately he maxed out his credit card, so he's stuck paying the bills from that night (admittedly, a great one for him), and so he's no longer able to impress the ladies. He's still got some moves, and he's got the experience to know that he can do it, but really, he's never going to have a night like that again, at least not for some time. This thought makes you smile, because you realize that he's never going to shut up about that girl, but after a certain amount of time you can say "get over yourself, it was 15 years ago!"

The Nashville Predators are a different story. He doesn't have much of an attitude, or really much of anything. He's not the biggest, not the smartest, not the wittiest, not the most charming, and not the richest. Yet, night after night at the club he's talking to women and getting phone numbers, and you look at him and wonder how he does it over and over again. It's perplexing. The worst part is, when you try to duplicate what he does, you can't, because you just don't have the right amount of intangibles that he brings night in and night out. He's the guy that you don't notice in your group, but every time you turn around he's talking to a woman at the bar. He's going to continue to be a player too, even if he gains a little weight or loses a little hair. Don't question it: just accept it.

The St. Louis Blues are what I call the "bi-polar" friend: they are either the life of the party or a complete downer. You never know what you're going to get with this guy. I had an actual friend like this. There were nights where he was fun, hilarious, witty and outgoing. Other nights he just sat on a couch or stayed at the bar, sipping his drink and looking sullen. It's the same with the Blues: try and predict what they are going to do, and I guarantee you'll be wrong. He may score a pretty good-looking girl; he may piss and moan about being the designated driver (always have a designated driver; it just makes good sense) and want to leave 10 minutes after getting there. The one thing about this guy is that he's always a decent wingman. If he's up, then you want him to generate energy and draw people to you; if he's down, then you come across as the positive, understanding friend who is helping your buddy through a tough time (because that's the story you'll give when anyone asks "what's wrong with the Blues?".

The Columbus Blue Jackets are a bit of a sad story. He's kind of the loser of the group, but he's likable enough so you keep bringing him out. They've never had any sort of success at the bar, except for that one time where he took that really drunk girl home. However, things didn't really work out for him, and he's tanked in that department since. He's got some good attributes, so you wonder why he's not able to do well. But there's always something that messes up his night. Maybe his breath is bad; sometimes he forgets deodorant; one time he came out of the bathroom with his fly down. You really want him to do well, because it's been a while since he got lucky, and he's a nice enough guy. In fact, out of everyone in the group, he's one that gets to decide which woman he wants to talk to first. Unfortunately for him, you just don't see how he's going to succeed at the bars, especially when everyone else in the group has a lot more going on for them.


The Detroit Red Wings. He's the leader of the group. He has been around the block a number of times, seen and done it all, and he knows what to expect. He knows that it's not about going after every single girl at the bar; it's about having a good time, downing a couple of drinks, and waiting for the right woman. The thing is that he's always successful. He's calm, cool and collected; he's a man's man. Women want to be with him, and men want to be him. The other guys in the group all say they hate this guy, but deep down they are jealous; they would trade positions with him in a heartbeat, and anything they say otherwise is a lie. This is the kind of guy who can sit at the bar and tell an amazing story, or you'll find him out on the dance floor, with better moves than anyone else out there. He'll end up in the middle of a large group of people with everyone chanting "Go Red Wings! Go Red Wings!" In short, he's the best one in the group, and even though he's a little older, he's still got the moves, and you better watch out. He was a little off his game last year, but this year will be different. He's back on the prowl and looking to score before he starts hitting the cougar bars.

Overall, this would be a pretty cool group to hang out with. Each of them has their place, but together they form a strong unit. However, one can't help but think that at the end of the night, it's the Red Wings that are going to be the one at the end having a good time while his buddies are all ready to call it a night. I just can't help but think of this upcoming season, because I have a very strong suspicion that it will be the Wings that are the last ones on the dance floor.

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