Noah Webster Doesn't Know 'bout My Dekes

When it comes to language, hockey fans are in a world of their own (a world that doesn't get ESPN).  The average hockey-watcher can turn a phrase as effortlessly as Andreas Lilja could turn over a puck and knows at least two nicknames for every player on his team.  Regularly displaying some of the best, brightest, and most colorful language of all sports fans, those followers of forecheckers, the perusers of puck-movers, the loyal fans of the chilly stands have developed a language all their own when discussing all that which happens on and off frozen pond.

If you were to ask a non-seasoned hockey fan (like the kind you'll find wearing Patrick Kane jerseys all over Chicago up until about the beginning of May) how to define a "Murphy Dump", you'd likely get a perplexed look and an answer involving too many Irish Car Bombs, a plate of chili cheese fries, and a morning full of regret.  Even some people still don't know that a Gordie Howe Hat Trick has less to do with haberdashers than with slobberknockers.  With that in mind, I've collected a choice handful of hockey slang phrases to help some of the newer guys along, as well as a few new ones for those of you who don't immediately think "cupcakes" when somebody says "icing".  Join me after the jump for some learnin'.

First, the Red Wings-related entries:

Datsyukian (adj) - amazing or jaw-dropping, specifically centered around hand-eye coordination and spatial awareness.  (Ex: Before surgeons are allowed to operate on the human brain, they have to show a Datsyukian level of talent with a scalpel.)

Stockholmstrom Syndrome (n) - A psychological reaction to having a large, angry man's ass largely blocking one's vision while trying to do one's job which causes the sufferer to identify with and appreciate large asses.  Also sometimes known as MIx-a-Lot By Proxy. (Ex: My husband says he wants me to gain a lot of weight, because he can't sleep if he doesn't have my big ass in front of him; I'm worried he has Stockholmstrom Syndrome.)

Ilarious (adj) - Characterized by being funny or making merriment from a skill that one's younger, smaller brother does much better. (Ex: Watching that forward try to deke defenders like his little bro was Ilarious.)

Kronwalled (v) - The act of hitting a man hard enough to knock his mother's fillings loose, often when he doesn't expect it. (Ex: Hey man, what happened to Tim?  Oh, he's in the hospital, he didn't look when stepping into traffic and got Kronwalled by a bus.)

Elsewhere around the league:

Malkintent (n) - A person who, when unsatisfied with the way things are going, plays dirty.  Despite all outward appearances though, any injuries sustained as a result of that type of playing were not the desired result. (Ex: Losing badly in a finals game really turned Gene into a Malkintent.  He might have punched Henry, but was not trying to hurt him.)

Clitsome (adj) - I'm sorry, but this definition is not available on the free online version of the new Hockey Dictionary.  Please purchase the full adult version on paperback or hardcover for this entry.