[Editor's Note: Moved to the front page for awesomeness]
I've waited all offseason for this: opening night. [bleep] yes, it's the start of hockey season. The start of my team's march to its 12th Stanley Cup and the fifth for a certain defenseman wearing number 5. We fans all hope he plays forever, but we must accept the reality that he will retire eventually (preferably not within our lifetimes so that we can see the Red Wings overtake the Montreal Canadiens as the team with the most Stanley Cups in franchise history).HOLY BALLS, THERE'S A GAME TOMORROW TOO! I can't take it. So much hockey to start the season off, I'll need to get myself more acclimated. How can I possibly keep up with watching all the games the Red Wings will play and all the winning they'll do this season if it continues at this frenetic pace? Last night's win versus Ottawa started off a great campaign, and though the Red Wings have a few things to work on, they still won the game and will look to improve on their game against Colorado.
WOO! ANOTHER WIN! Just give us the Cup now, NHL, and save the rest of the teams the misery that comes with the hope that they even have a chance of hoisting that beautiful piece of 35-pound silver over their heads. Don't tease the fans like that, NHL; it's not nice.
What's that? There isn't another game until Thursday? Well that's stupid. We just had an offseason where we didn't have any hockey for 112 days after the Bruins borrowed the Stanley Cup from the Red Wings, and the Red Wings didn't play any hockey for 146 days since the NHL thought it wouldn't be fair to let Detroit have everything they rightly deserve, so they decided that a technicality like "losing a seven-game series" was enough reason to kick Detroit out of the playoffs and out of the running for the Stanley Cup.
Geez, it's finally Thursday. Took you long enough, universe. Man, 4 days without meaningful Red Wings hockey in the middle of the season. I know I've gone through worse, like the stupid Olympic break that tears out two weeks from the NHL calendar, but at least there's some meaningful hockey played, even if I'm not all that interested except in seeing Canada lose. (DAMN YOU 2010!) The Red Wings play the Canucks now, so that'll be a great early season test for the boys in red, even though the Canucks will be missing Ryan Kesler and will start Cory Schneider in goal. Wait, starting Schneider is supposed to be a bad thing for the Canucks?
AWWW YEEEE another win! Well, even if they're not coming at the pace they were last week (2 wins in 2 days), at least the Red Wings keep winning. I'll look forward to seeing them win again on Saturday! Hurray for a one-day break, for once!
That has to be the funniest overtime goal I've seen in a long time. But a win is a win is a win. When's the . . . next . . .
FRIDAY?! (Hi, Casey!) FRIDAY?!?! The Red Wings just completed a second offseason in one year, and you're giving them another FIVE DAYS OFF?!!? What the hell is wrong with you, schedule-makers? Why the hell do you put these breaks in now when the teams have just gotten over the offseason? This break would be very welcome in a time like February or March or even April to get guys ready for the stretch run and playoffs and to help players not rush in order to return from injury. Are you trying to screw with the psyche of the . . . oh, wait, I get it now.
You knew they would win the first four games of the season. You knew the rest of the league didn't stand a chance, especially with newcomer Ian White dominating in Brian Rafalski's place, Nicklas Lidstrom being TPH that he is, Jonathan Ericsson still inconsistent but on more of an upward trend than we've seen since his play in the 2009 playoffs, Jiri Hudler remembering that he used to be a great depth scorer, Valtteri Filppula putting pucks at the net, Holmstrom still taking names in his office, and the newly formed Two Kids and a Goat 3.0 terrorizing the opposition on the forecheck. You knew all about this, didn't you? So you decided to try to create a new opponent for the Red Wings, aside from the referees, the Homer goalie interference calls, and the Red Wings themselves who can be their own worst enemy at times. NOOOO, it wasn't enough for you to try to prevent the Red Wings from capturing what is rightfully theirs: their 12th Stanley Cup. So you tried to put in this screwy schedule to try to get the Red Wings off their game, keep their sharpness down, keep the rust up, make them think they're still in the offseason so that they don't just absolutely overpower the rest of the league.
Well, I got news for you, buddy: the ************' Red Wings have 8 out of 8 possible points, all before the shootout (since you made that standings change to make the shootout matter less). You sons of guns got nothing on the Winged Wheel. They take on all comers. They beat them down. Show no mercy. Nothing will get in the way of their 12th Stanley Cup; nothing will get in the way of 5 for #5, going out on top.
(Special thanks to J.J. who started this series in the summer.)