An Open Letter to NHL Linesmen

Dear Linesmen employed by the NHL,

I sincerely hope that this letter finds you well into the summer enjoying yourselves before a good training camp before next season starts. (Not really, I hope you're not enjoying your summer because you shouldn't be getting a break since you should be working extensively on how to do faceoffs correctly.)

Over the past few seasons, but especially last season and postseason, we all have noticed that you linesmen tend to throw the first centers out of the faceoff circle many times during a game. (WTF is up with the number of centers you throw out of the faceoff in any given game?!) This phenomenon has led to immeasurable frustration not only on the part of fans watching on television in their living rooms and on their computers on the top floor of their dorm buildings but also very audibly on the part of fans in the arena who want nothing more than to see the puck put back in play rather than sitting in your very capable hands. (We all just want you to drop the puck already!)

I understand that the rules state that if a second center is tossed from the circle on any faceoff, the offending center's team is given a minor penalty. (We know you're never going to toss the second center and give away a penalty that could give away a game to one team!) Given that I have very rarely seen a second center thrown from the circle, I must conclude that the standards for enforcement against cheating on faceoffs fall dramatically when the second center(s) come(s) in. (Either be [bleep]ing consistent or just drop the [bleep]ing puck already!) In that spirit, I humbly request that you, NHL linesmen, have the same standard of enforcement against cheating on faceoffs for the first centers; fans, players, and many others would just like to see play continue and would hope that people are thrown out of the faceoff circle for only real attempts at cheating. (I'll say it in Canadian English if it makes more sense that way: DROP THE [BLEEP]ING PUCK ALREADY!)

The other thing that I wish to bring to your attention is your tendency to hang on to the puck before deciding to drop it for the faceoff. (How come the referees never have any problems on faceoffs when they drop the puck to open any period?) In my opinion, you wouldn't need to throw out the many centers that you do if you just dropped the puck immediately upon the second center putting the blade of his hockey stick on the ice in preparation for your puck drop. (All together now: DROP THE [BLEEP]ING PUCK!) So if you all decide to hold onto the puck less, then everyone's frustration level will drop immensely. (What are these players even doing that's considered "cheating" on faceoffs, anyway?)

With these two simple adjustments, I believe the game will be better because of the lowered frustration level of fans and players and because of the increased flow to the game because less time will be spent on logistics of taking faceoffs. (I'm pretty sure EVERYONE cheats on the faceoff!) Hopefully, these adjustments will also completely eradicate the ludicrous "whistle immediately after a faceoff to re-do the faceoff"; these "false starts" just hamper the flow of the game and mood of the crowd, especially when the referees need to go to the timekeeper's booth to add back the time that the clock counted down. (because of YOUR [bleep]ing incompetence, linesmen!)

Thank you very much for your time. (You better have read all this!) I look forward to a great season next season. (Assholes.)

--uvgt2bkdnme