Things I Have Read This Week Which Make Me Laugh: Monday Edition
by J.J. from Kansas on Jan 23, 2012 1:00 PM CST
in Opinion
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PrintI'm working on something a bit more robust for later on, but for now, I bring you Tyler Atwood from Bluenote Zone and his "Throwdown Lowdown"
Here's the full text of the paragraph:
I really don’t know why I even bother to waste energy on this report for tonight’s opponent, the Detroit Red Wings. Nothing ever changes with these guys . . . they don’t fight, even when they really should, and while you can sugarcoat it with as hard a candy shell as you can find, it reeks of a team that chooses not only to not be physical, but not to stand up for themselves either. This may explain why the Wings tend to have dropped out of the playoffs in embarrassing fashion the last few years, but that’s neither here nor there. Despite seemingly not needing to cover this team, we HAVE covered this team a few times in the past (November 15th, December 6th, December 27th and December 31st). The Wings remain in dead last in the NHL with six fighting majors collected on the season. Their fight record is a bit less than robust, obviously, at 2-4-0.
There's something hilarious about watching a fan of a team that hasn't won a playoff GAME let alone a series since the lockout talk about how to actually succeed at that. Maybe Tyler can give us some pointers on how to solve the energy crisis or finally share the secrets of alchemy?
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or how to stop crime
we could all look to st louis for a little help there, im sure.
by kylegroombridge on Jan 23, 2012 1:05 PM CST reply actions
Or build a sewer system that doesn’t spew raw sewage into the streets and waterways
I can’t believe I didn’t see this thread until now…
by Red, White and a Mile high on Jan 23, 2012 5:34 PM CST up reply actions
The Wings are so soft.
Fighting = Toughness. Duh. Everyone knows that. Hell, Barrett Jackman is the definition of toughness, physical play, leadership, and standing up for himself.
Screw the Big Bad Bruins…long live the BIG BAD BLUES!!!!
Brendan Smith fan
What does he define as the last few years?
Last time I checked, we won the Stanley Cup in 2008, were two goals away from repeating in 2009, and have made it to the second round in 2010 and 2011. We haven’t lost a first round series since 2006.
Meanwhile, in St. Louis, they’ve made the playoffs once since the lockout. They were eliminated in what would be defined as “embarrassing fashion” at the hands of the Vancouver Canucks in 2008-09 in a sweep. I guess they just weren’t fighting enough.
by Patrick Gerald Marsh on Jan 23, 2012 1:15 PM CST reply actions
Fun fact
Since the start of the 2009 playoffs (the playoffs AFTER the Wings’ last cup win), the Red Wings have won 9 more playoff games than the Blues have in the last DECADE.
by J.J. from Kansas on Jan 23, 2012 1:23 PM CST up reply actions 13 recs
also
the suggestion that we lost the WCSF the last two years running because we weren’t fighting or aren’t “tough” enough suggests that the author of these remarks watched neither series. In 2010 we saw a parade of Red Wings to the penalty box in nearly every game. So which is it, Blues fans? Did we get fucked over by obviously shitty penalty calling, or maybe—just maybe—could it be that taking penalties doesn’t win games?
No Limits.
In St. Louis's defense
We have as many first round exits as they do since the lockout.
>_>
Brad Stuart should be our backup goalie.
Twitter- @nkehagias
Bwahahahahahahahahaha deep-breath hahahahahahahahahahaha breathe hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha breathe hahahahahahahahahahahaha
You've been to games in St. Louis
you know that @ 1/2 the crowd in St. Lou on any given night is there to see a fight. Reed Low was almost like a god over there for a while…. Plus, probably most telling, the crowd cheers loudest for the hits.
Oh wait, now I see, you’re providing a huge service to ALL of the other Wings fans who don’t get the pleasure of going to St. Louis to watch the Wings play beat the Blues on a regular basis like you and I do….very nice of you sir.
Further reading from that site
http://bluenotezone.com/2012/01/23/game-day-preview-st-louis-blues-vs-detroit-redwings-1-23-12/
This is by far my favourite:
In the game Backes had two goals and 2 assists adding yet another line in the book of get this man a Selke. In the NHL today what team has a player that does all of the things that David Backes can do and do them consistently better then he? That’s right folks, There is not a forward in the league that can do all of the facets of the game as well as Backes. Count the Blues fortunate and lucky to have his services for the next 5 years.
I want every single other team to see this and laugh.
by Amerinadian on Jan 23, 2012 1:36 PM CST reply actions 6 recs
Oh fuck
I wish I had gone with that instead.
NOBODY IS AS COMPLETE A PLAYER AS DAVID BACKES!
by J.J. from Kansas on Jan 23, 2012 1:37 PM CST up reply actions 6 recs
Most complete player
on the DEEPEST team in the league.
Brendan Smith fan
by JeffHancock41 on Jan 23, 2012 1:52 PM CST up reply actions 3 recs
and everyone says wings fans can't take a joke.
i think this is fucking hilarious.
"I'll smile in June."
by Lords of Olympia on Jan 23, 2012 1:54 PM CST up reply actions
You know...
…even Backes would laugh his ass off at that comment.
Detroit needs a fighter like a fish needs a bicycle.
by WingsFool on Jan 23, 2012 2:09 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
So I guess
a one for one Datsyuk – Backes trade would only help the Wings eh? Let’s do it! LOL
I'm not better at finding things than anyone else who has Google.
by Kyllönen on Jan 23, 2012 2:36 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
That's an easy one
After seeing the weekly highlights of Backes holding whole lines off the puck, threading blind passes like it’s going out of style, and all those Backesian dekes, I’m down
by WingnutNorthOfThe49 on Jan 23, 2012 3:49 PM CST up reply actions 2 recs
These guys are morons. I can name 10 non-Wings who are better two-way players this season alone than Backes.
by Apocalyptic0n3 on Jan 23, 2012 4:56 PM CST up reply actions
As objectively as i possibly can be
how was last year’s effort “embarrassing”?!
we nearly came back from a 3-0 to win.
i don’t get it. if you’re gonna criticize a team, at least keep to the things that are worth criticizing.
"I'll smile in June."
by Lords of Olympia on Jan 23, 2012 1:51 PM CST reply actions
Exactly
Like our poor special teams and our lack of David Backeses and Brian Elliots on the roster.
Consequences Schmonsequences.
precisely.
those would have made for great funnies.
"I'll smile in June."
by Lords of Olympia on Jan 23, 2012 1:58 PM CST up reply actions
and
our lack of Barrett Jackmans too!
We do lack in Calder Trophies – but I’ll take our runner ups to their winners most every time…
I'm sure Z is happier with his Conn Smythe than the Calder, given the choice.
Pierre McGuire is a blithering dimwit.
by Brion on Jan 23, 2012 3:13 PM CST up reply actions 2 recs
Excellent point
dammit – you got me……(I know I’m a helluva lot happier that he has the Conn Smythe).
NICE!
A little late, but
he’s also probably happier with the fact that his name is on the Stanley Cup, also.
Pretty much every non-partisan blog I read was hoping the Wings could do it.
We have nothing to be embarrassed about.
by Patrick Gerald Marsh on Jan 23, 2012 2:18 PM CST up reply actions
I noticed this too
Even among my group of friends (most of whom love to see the Wings lose) most were pulling for the Wings, even the Canucks fans seemed to want it to be us and them in the CF.
Consequences Schmonsequences.
Last year was so embarrassing, they lost to a very good Sharks team by one game in a series in which both teams scored 18 goals over 7 games. It was probably the most even series I have ever witnessed in my entire life. I believe that the Sharks were too tired from that series to put up a fight against the Canucks.
That’s much more embarrassing then missing the playoffs by 10 points.
by Amerinadian on Jan 23, 2012 2:42 PM CST up reply actions 2 recs
and that sharks series actually made me respect that team more
i had always harbored an irrational hatred for them that actually softened quite a bit seeing a knock-down, drag-out skill competition between the teams.
i like hating teams that are real rivals, like our on going blackhawks series.
both teams have played well in those games all season and it makes all the better when we actually get a win from them.
fans like this (and they exist in every franchise) are knuckledraggers and it’s always confusing to see them get platforms to speak from.
"I'll smile in June."
by Lords of Olympia on Jan 23, 2012 5:46 PM CST up reply actions
lol, actually...
precisely because he’s such a fucking clown, i think i might.
he’s not “dirty” per se but he’s wily and it’s annoying as shit to see when he plays us.
he gets away with so many little things but then there are things he does that make me actually kinda like him.
like the sedin finger poke thing earlier this season. it was gold.
he’s a bastard but he’s pretty good at it.
"I'll smile in June."
by Lords of Olympia on Jan 23, 2012 6:02 PM CST up reply actions
Didn't even realize
that this is one of the SLGT commenters, Donut King.
This guy is the worst.
by J.J. from Kansas on Jan 23, 2012 2:07 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
Huh.
Goes to show an animal can type fairly well without opposable thumbs.
Detroit needs a fighter like a fish needs a bicycle.
It's alright
After the game tonight, they’re all just going to turn on Slap Shot and touch themselves.
Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are even stupider! --George Carlin
Fanbases
I love how Wings fans point out facts along the lines of “Nick Lidstrom is the best defenseman in the league”, or “Jimmy Howard has been one of the best goalies in the league this year”, or “Pavel Datsyuk is hands-down one of the top few players in the league”, and others suggest we’re idiots or overrating our players, but fans of our rivals post hateful diatribes like the one above and consistently get mean with their comments… the common thread for most of them is that they fail to realize that Wings’ fans don’t get too worked up about what their fly-by-night organizations are up to.
We really are a classy bunch, those of us who follow the mighty Red Wings… and I know we’re all equal in that we’re just hockey fans, I just think that sometimes we’re more equal.
The folks at A2Y are not, by any definition of the word, a classy bunch. I know some of those same people frequent WiM, but A2Y is part of why people complain about our fan base.
A2Y is part of why people complain about our fan base.
And I love ’em for it.
We tackled this last year and will continue to tackle it forever, but class is overrated in fanaticism.
by J.J. from Kansas on Jan 23, 2012 3:16 PM CST up reply actions 2 recs
lol.
largely because i’d die in a fight, i try to look to A2Y as the high water mark of crazy fanaticism and calibrate my sanity from there.
"I'll smile in June."
by Lords of Olympia on Jan 23, 2012 5:48 PM CST up reply actions
As a proud member of the 19,
I think I can safely say that “classy” is irrelevant.
by Forlorn in VA on Jan 23, 2012 4:17 PM CST up reply actions
It's nice
that I can show my classy side here
and be a completely offensive dick over at A2Y
by Red, White and a Mile high on Jan 23, 2012 5:40 PM CST up reply actions 2 recs
We don't fight now
Just wait until we draft our next captain in ten years, 2022, when Lidstrom retires. We’ll draft the next Yzerman and we’ll bring on a couple enforcers to protect him a la Bob Probert. Then we’ll win Cups AND lead the league in fighting majors, making everyone happy.
Fan of the Detroit Tigers, Lions and Red Wings.
by Elfuego51 on Jan 23, 2012 3:20 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA This whole this thread is awesome.
I also like if you click on his December 31st post that he rates the wings with 2-2-1 record with fights, but takes that back in his recent post saying Todd Bertuzzi in fact lost his fight with Carcillo, so now we have a 2-4 fight record.
Joe Kocur – He would beat up the entire NHL right now, then score a goal.
I'm a Homer
An irrelevant evaluation
Of an irrelevant stat in the current NHL.
If you still think Enforcers matter, you’ve already lost.
by Big Z in Orlando on Jan 23, 2012 3:36 PM CST reply actions
Shh, I love teams with enforcers!
It’s great playing a team that essentially only has 3 lines because the last couple forwards are actual iterations of Happy Gilmore.
Pierre McGuire is a blithering dimwit.
Oh I was just saying how funny it is that he down graded us
I like our Enforcer to the the Powerplay (which needs to punch a little bit more often, but that is a different discussion.)
I'm a Homer
Things I Have Read This Week Which Make Me Laugh:
Kansas and hockey in the same posting. Get back on your tractor, feed Toto and leave the hockey talk to those who actually follow it.
by ashleyglatz on Jan 23, 2012 4:31 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
Ahahaha
It’s been a while since I’ve seen somebody sign up for an account specifically to take a shot at me.
I hope that went as well for you as you had pictured in your head.
by J.J. from Kansas on Jan 23, 2012 4:37 PM CST up reply actions
That's a new one for me too
and given that I live in Kansas too, I’ll jump in to support my teammate.
I think it was Bugs Bunny who first said: “he don’t know me very well – do he?” (or maybe in this case, she)
You know you're doing your job right when people create accounts just to insult you before crawling back into their hole
Quiz: Name 4 things about Kansas
1. Tractors
2. Wizard of Oz
3. ???
4. Profit!
You sound like a manure salesman with a mouthful of samples.
YOU FORGOT EVOLUTION
GET THEM GOLDARNED LEARNIN’-BOOKS OUTTA MY SCHOOLS YA HEAR
by J.J. from Kansas on Jan 23, 2012 5:45 PM CST up reply actions
THERE WILL BE NONE OF THIS FROM NOW ON I TELL YOU WHAT
You sound like a manure salesman with a mouthful of samples.
as a Blues fan...
That Bluenote Zone post was embarrassing.
"That's what I'm talking about! Strike him blind, Lord!" - Berk
Running list of Molina pick-offs | twit
by BVHeck on Jan 23, 2012 4:48 PM CST reply actions 2 recs
lol. the thing is it's actually probably good for anything like an actual rivalry
because now us wings fans will spend more time making fun of david backes and blues fans will find new and exciting ways of teasing us.
all in all, for those of us who lack the disposition for bombast, it’s nice there are a few who have it in spades.
"I'll smile in June."
by Lords of Olympia on Jan 23, 2012 5:51 PM CST up reply actions
Hahahahahahahahah Brad Lee is my hero
The Blues and Wings have split the first four games this season 2-2 with the home team winning each game. The Wings will have Henrik Zetterberg after Brendan Shanahan looked out for his old franchise and didn’t give him a suspension for boarding Nikita Nikitin. Zetterberg got a five minute major and a misconduct. You do that to the Wings (Chris Stewart, we’re looking at you), and you sit for three games for free. Zetterberg…well you get to keep playing, sir. We won’t even have a hearing for you. Typical Detroit officiating.
You sound like a manure salesman with a mouthful of samples.
Holy shit I've stumbled upon a goldmine
It’s obvious that when the Blues face the Wings in the playoffs this spring, four of the games will be played in St. Louis and only three will occur in the wasteland of Detroit. Short series are for people with heart problems. I like a good seven-game thriller. And mark my words, that seventh game will be in St. Louis.
And then there’s this which explains a lot.
We have a saying around here. It’s kind of how we approach life. When Karma gives you lemons, we say Fuck Detroit.
Not quite sure how to take that last one, I think it kinda speaks for itself…
You sound like a manure salesman with a mouthful of samples.
i take it the same way i take it from chicago fans
all it sounds like is, “LGRW”
"I'll smile in June."
by Lords of Olympia on Jan 23, 2012 6:09 PM CST up reply actions
All I say to this individual is “”http://espn.go.com/nhl/recap?gameId=300427024" target="new">be careful what you wish for…"
God i wish i would have invested in tin foil
i’d be a rich, rich man.
"I'll smile in June."
by Lords of Olympia on Jan 23, 2012 6:07 PM CST up reply actions
Best part is the guy who did the pregame report for SLGT starts off his entire post by saying that it shouldn’t have been a suspension, as pretty much every person with any hockey knowledge has said.
by Apocalyptic0n3 on Jan 23, 2012 6:36 PM CST up reply actions
as pretty much every person with any hockey knowledge has said.
And with half a sentence, you have explained why everyone at SLGT thinks it should have been a suspension.
Dancing Datsyuk Decidedly Dazzles Dainty Defensemen
by Robocop on Jan 23, 2012 9:36 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
I just want to sit here and bask in this for a minute
That the Blues fan said the Wings aren’t tough enough.
and then that….
BWAHAHHAAHHAAAA
by J.J. from Kansas on Jan 24, 2012 12:13 AM CST reply actions 3 recs
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