FanPost

Mule vs. Mules

In response to the renewed arguments over Johan Franzen aka "the Mule" and his value to the team, I decided to compare which we as fans would rather have on the team.

What follows is a rudimentary comparison, but one that yielded some surprising results. So follow along, because science is fun!

Mule vs Mules

Weight: 223 Weight: 910
Height: 6'3 Height: Mystery
Skating Ability: Roughly that of a mule Skating Ability: Roughly that of a Franzen
Shoots: Usually Wide or Into Goalies Chest Shoots: Part of diet along with leaves
Toughness: Equivalent to Pre-Teen Pillow Fight Toughness: Chuck Norris Approved
Temper: You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry Temper: Even Tempered
Ability to Carry Team on Back: When It Wants To Maximum Weight It Can Carry: 158 lbs
Current Offensive Weight Carried: LOL Weight of Red Wings Roster: 4865 lbs (2 Wellwoods)

Verdict: Surprisingly Equal

So there you have it fellow WIIMers, Johan Franzen is roughly as useful as a real, honest to God mule. Granted, I did forget to factor in the goofy, smug grin present in bad commercials, so he might actually be less valuable, but I will revisit that x-factor during my next trip to my laboratory.

What this reveals then, is that Ken Holland should be inquiring about the availability of mules.

You know, in case Franzen really starts to suck.

Well, suck more I mean.

This is a fanpost written by a WIIM community member. The views and opinions expressed here are that member's and do not necessarily reflect the views of the site itself.

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