In response to the renewed arguments over Johan Franzen aka "the Mule" and his value to the team, I decided to compare which we as fans would rather have on the team.
What follows is a rudimentary comparison, but one that yielded some surprising results. So follow along, because science is fun!
Mule vs Mules
|Weight: 223||Weight: 910|
|Height: 6'3||Height: Mystery|
|Skating Ability: Roughly that of a mule||Skating Ability: Roughly that of a Franzen|
|Shoots: Usually Wide or Into Goalies Chest||Shoots: Part of diet along with leaves|
|Toughness: Equivalent to Pre-Teen Pillow Fight||Toughness: Chuck Norris Approved|
|Temper: You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry||Temper: Even Tempered|
|Ability to Carry Team on Back: When It Wants To||Maximum Weight It Can Carry: 158 lbs|
|Current Offensive Weight Carried: LOL||Weight of Red Wings Roster: 4865 lbs (2 Wellwoods)|
Verdict: Surprisingly Equal
So there you have it fellow WIIMers, Johan Franzen is roughly as useful as a real, honest to God mule. Granted, I did forget to factor in the goofy, smug grin present in bad commercials, so he might actually be less valuable, but I will revisit that x-factor during my next trip to my laboratory.
What this reveals then, is that Ken Holland should be inquiring about the availability of mules.
You know, in case Franzen really starts to suck.
Well, suck more I mean.