Season Primer: Kronwalling

USA TODAY Sports

If you've paid attention to any of the bloo bloo crybaby whining coming from people who aren't fan of the Red Wings or Swedish people or America or freedom or puppies or even the feeling of love, you'll know that there's a scourge on the Red Wings' team, a demonic monster who breaks the mold of the soft European player by recklessly leaping through it as it tries to cross its own blue line with the puck.

You need only to look into his eyes (but not through his visor, because then you'd be seeing his forehead) and you'll know despair.

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Photo Credit: Tim Fuller (USA TODAY Sport)

This is Niklas Kronwall, and this is what he does to people who don't pay attention to his presence on the ice.

Welcome to the trolley-tracks McGinn. Hope you enjoyed your stay. For the record, the Wings went on to win that game in overtime off a goal that Kronwall helped set up.

And here's the general response to Kronwall's checks from non-Wings fans:

Fuckkronwall_medium

I edited out the bad words because it's funnier to read that way and because why the fuck not?

Of course, this particular comment goes on to some odd personal confession about how this big crybaby gets drunk and shouts at people who don't like his poor widdle hockey team, but yeah, that's actually pretty standard too for Kronwall haters.

So just be prepared; although we're in game 3 and he hasn't made a hit like this (yet), there's going to be one coming and when it does, we'll get to have some fun reading about how he does this every game and on every check. There are just a few things to remember when you read these arguments.

  • If a player's feet leave the ice surface as a result of contact (even if he's pre-loading for this to happen when contact is made), then it's not a charge. This is the biggest misunderstanding about these kinds of checks and therefore it's the number one complaint from people who don't know what they're talking about.
  • Not all contact with the head is illegal. If full body contact is made and the head isn't outright targeted, then it's not against the rules. You'll see this come up a lot too.
  • Big checks like Kronwall's are awesome.
  • No, not ALL of Kronwall's checks are clean. It's ok to admit that. In fact, it's better to do so because then the only person who looks like a homer idiot is the guy talking about how he always does it and about how somebody should get him (like Teemu Selanne, the very famous homer idiot)

So enjoy the season. Kronwallings are coming. Let's go Red Wings

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