This morning I woke up 20 minutes late, my coffee order was wrong, one of my work projects suffered a serious delay, my kids all got sick, and I burned dinner.
Then the Red Wing game happened, and my day really went to shit.
I'll freely admit, I didn't watch a single second of the game tonight as real life took precedence, but I had every intention of firing up the DVR to watch the Wings do what they couldn't the last 2 weeks: win a hockey game. After looking at Twitter and seeing the comments of people I respect a lot (and a few I don't but pay attention to them anyway because I hate myself that much), I figured I'd save myself the stress and 2 hours and just say what we're all thinking:
This team pretty much sucks right now.
Yea it's just a rough patch, they've got injuries, the team needs time to gel, everyone slumps at some point. That's all well and good, but the Wings are in the midst of one of the easiest parts of their schedule and not only can't they win a game, they don't look like a team that's going to pull out of this tailspin any time soon.
This is a team that has trouble starting on time, whose worst period statistically is the second, can't hold a late lead, and hasn't scored a shootout goal since Chris Chelios was in the middle of his career.
The only part about watching the Red Wings that's any fun right now is guessing before the game begins how they're going to hilariously lose that night, and seeing if you're right. For example, if you had "look completely inept offensively against a 3rd string goaltender making his 5th career start", you're a winner! Your prize is a bottle, which you can use to hold either liquor or your tears, whichever makes you feel a little bit better.
The Red Wings are 21st in goals for/game, 16th in goals against/game, 16th in shots for/game and 18th in shots against/game. When they score first, they win 64% of the time, and when leading after either the first or second period, they win 60% of the time. Those last 3 stats are good enough to put them in the bottom third of the league. Everyone's favourite defenseman, Kyle Quincey, has as many points as Dan Cleary and Stephen Weiss. Danny DeKeyser has more points than both of those guys combined. Offensively, the Wings are Pavel Datsyuk, Henrik Zetterberg, and a pile of disappointment. And if you think that Gustav Nyquist is the solution, then pass me whatever it is that you're smoking, because it's got to be good.
To make things even better, tonight the Red Wings lost their best defenseman (yes, I said that, and I mean it) DeKeyser to a left shoulder injury. As of this writing it wasn't clear as to the extent of the injury, but knowing how the Wings' season has gone so far, I expect to wake up to reports that he had his right leg amputated because the orders for a left shoulder X-ray were read by an over-enthusiastic but very dyslexic surgeon.
If there is a saving grace, it's that it really can't get much worse than this. If your season hasn't hit rock bottom after getting shutout by the Nashville Predators, then you're probably within toe-tapping distance of that point. Between that and knowing the Red Wings play in a terrible division within the inferior conference, I'm not ready to start drinking copious amounts of bleach just yet. A couple of more losses, though, and I'm getting some glasses down.