First off, let's give a xbox hueg round of applause to last years winner, Christ (that was a typo but fuck it, let's keep it here) Pronger. Not even his own death could stop everyone outside of Anaheim and St. Louis from continuing to actively despise him and that's one hell of a fucking accomplishment if you think about it. Will he be able to pull a Miami Heat and win again? (Well obviously not you fucking idiot seeing as how it says "active players" right at the fucking top.) Unfortunately, this Pronger is no more. It has ceased to be. Its expired and gone to meet it's maker. This is a late Pronger. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in piece. If Paul Holmgren hadn't thrown a billion dollars over 50 years at it it would be pushing up the daises. It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-Pronger.
And of course (slightly less) congratulations must go to the runner-up, Joe Thorton. The NHL's only cross-species player, Mr. Thorton has the amazing ability to regenerate his legs after they fall off once every 10
minutes seconds or so. While the ability to regen limbs would be an unparalleled benefit for humanity, one has to remember just how much of a piece of shit Jumbo Joe is. He's already refused to donate his unique body to science after his expiration. The prick.
So nyway w/out further ado, here are the most egreg5897ious (God I hate myself) offenders in the NHL. Does Thorton still hold enough ill will to win it this year? Or will it go to another dipshit we're bidding farewell too (Jonathan Toes or Corey Perry pehaps)?
A couple changes this year:
1st, it's with a heavy heart that I must announce that this isn't the fucking All-Star game. What this means is that shit teams noone cares about (
Carolina Colorado (amirite?) for example) won't have any representatives on this list. Deal with it.
2nd, I'm not going to bother going into detail listing various raisins to hate each candidate. Partly because I'm fucking lazy and partly because I consider it an insult to us both. If this really bothers you that much I'll instead offer to send you my incredibly valid list of reasons why I'm repeatedly punching you in the face and - in my opinion - that's much better.
3rd and lastly, while I put "NHL" players at the top, I'm going to cheat and add Rich Panik to this list. He did an absolutely fantastic job channeling his inner Pronger during the finals and for that he should be justly rewarded.
(I'll probably do another semi-finals followed by the actual championship after because I remember last year Pronger and Thorton didn't really take off until the 2nd round and half the other candidates were eliminated)