Boys and girls, I'd like to welcome each and every one of you to the first ever awards show for people who frothed in rage at Brendan Smith electing his arbitration rights granted to him under the NHL/NHLPA CBA!
When the news broke last week that Mr. Smith had exercised these rights, there were conflicting reactions. Some ninnies around here were willing to toe the company line, and be understanding that a blue-chip prospect would want to protect themselves in a turbulent market while still under RFA status.
But not everyone was willing to cow to such inanity. No. The brave souls that follow were willing to speak up. To decry the injustices of an athlete who had clearly grown too big for his britches. How dare a young athlete at the cornerstone of a reloading effort for a storied franchise want fair market value? Didn't he understand the inherent worth in the opportunity to wear the Winged Wheel? Why, thousands of people would be willing to play in the NHL for free! Why wouldn't Smith just sign for $0.99 and become the greatest deal in Red Wing history since the Draper trade.
You, fearless men, are the ones we are here to honor. Without further ado, I present to you, The Smitties.
The Honorable Mentions
First up, the posters who weren't quite willing to throw Brendan under the bus, but might have been willing to make him walk home in the snow without shoes or a jacket. These men with willing to point out that, like many professional athletes, or people in general, Smith does in fact want to be paid real dollars.
smith tryin’ to pull a brunner
*Crater from SoCal -
The "Brendan Smith is Clearly Not Lifetime Wing Material"
The Detroit Red Wings have had a recent history of drafting franchise players who never play for any other organization. These gentlemen were able to understand after 48 career NHL games, that Brendan Smith just doesn't fit the bill.
Then again, if it’s too much, we let him walk. I’ve never seen the promise in him that others have so I’m OK
with that too.
He seems like the sort that coasted on pure talent his whole life and never had a challenge. Now that he is in
a position where he isn’t "it" he’s off his game. Maybe that’ll change as he matures and he can work on
correcting his shortcomings. For some reason I’m not hopeful, but look forward to being proven wrong if it
helps the team.
Smith isn’t going to be a lifetime Wing. I could see him going the Hudler/Fil route in a couple years.
The Über Small Sample Size Award
How much DO you pay a guy for almost single-handedly losing the Chicago series for us????
Maybe he should be taking the Blackhawks to arbitration, they’re the ones who really owe him something…
The Always Fan-Favorite "Why Don't You Just Take What's Offered to You?" Award
Professional sports fans have a long standing tradition of standing up to players for having getting the insane idea that they should be payed a fair wage into their heads. Without bastions of economics like this around, players would start to think that they have any VALUE in a multi-billion dollar industry, when clearly the teams could just replace them with any Joe off the street who understood the HONOR that it is to get to wear their favorite team's jersey, because replacing professionals with guys off the street ALWAYS WORKS OUT GREAT...
Take what’s offered to you, kid. You still make more than most anyone reading this article…
The Lifetime Achievement Award(commonly known as the "Brendan Smith Slept with My Girlfriend Award")
This poster is being recognized for his steadfast willingness to stand up against the blind masses who think Brendan Smith ISN'T a blind, three legged squirrel that somehow wandered onto the ice. Brendan Smith is clearly a blind orangutan and he is ON IT.
*Amyklas, come on down!!!!
griffinman13 - "...Smith just played his first season in a shortened one and played pretty well besides a few mistakes at the wrong times..."
Amyklas "(besides a few mistakes at the wrong times)
Brendan Smith is a Money-Grubbing Bum, The Musical
Anybody can sit down at a computer and smash their fists in anger at Brendan Smith's uncanny ability to suck money from the generous and benevolent organ-I-zation like a financial tick, but it takes a generational talent like our next poster to put those feelings to tune.
I proudly present the winner of our Musical Award to....
"Mr. Brendan, by LITERALLY ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT (AKA KennyH)
Here, have a dollar
In fact, naw; Brendan man, here, have two
Two dollars means two Drape’s to me
but it means a big deal to you
Be strong, serve Babs only
Know that if you do, the Stanley Cup awaits
That’s the poem I wrote for the first time
I saw a man with no sweater, no gripe, no skates
Mr. Brendan, that’s his name
No one really knows his name, ‘cause he’s a no-one
Never thought twice about spending on a young bum
Until the farce of elected arbitration
Now that I know ‘em, to give him money isn’t charity
He gives me some turnovers, I buy him some shoes
And to think fans wanna’ spend all this money on big UFAs
Still most of y’all end up confused
Go’head Mr. Brendan…
No, really, GO.
* slams door in face *
(I don’t really dislike Smith, but; arbitration? Really??)"
And finally, the moment we have all been waiting for, the GOLDEN SMITTY!!!!!!!!!
Yzerman, Fedorov, and Lidstrom to Datsyuk, Hank, and Kronner. We have an expectation for excellence around Detroit, and we expect no less from our posters. But once in a generation, a man rises above the masses as a shining beacon of hope in the mindless darkness that is an NHL that allows Brendan Smith to lace up the skates and actually get paid for it. A man who rides a white horse of justice, cutting down the hordes of blind Smith followers with his Xiphos of truth. I am speaking of the one true leader...
And on to the highlight reel:
I’ve been hating on Brendan Smith a lot this past year. IMO, it’s much more than the occasional huge gaffe he
makes; to me, every game he plays he does something fundamentally wrong defensively. He can’t seem to
make the simple play to get the puck out of the zone or whatnot.
There shouldn’t be anyone defending Smith either. He has looked out of place and just fundamentally awful
defensively. I’m more down on him than I was on Big E.
Bottom line, he should accept basically any offer the Wings give him. He has very little support to win his
Yeah, I can’t recall a Wing I truly hated (Smith tested me a couple times last year though).
I can remember many instances where Red Wings defensemen were extremely slow in chasing back and
Smith, along with Quincey, Cola, Big E (but speed is not his thing), is definitely one of them I have yelled at in
disbelief at the seeming lack of effort.
As for the pinch/cover, it seems Smith gets caught out of position far more than our other defensemen. There has to be something to it.
I have definitely overreacted on multiple occasions because some of the shit Smith pulls is just unbelievable.
I'd like to take a moment in closing not to continue heaping praise onto these good men, as they clearly deserve. Instead, I implore each and every one of you to join forces to take on the impending challenge that looms before us. Two of our prospects. Two men who have clearly forgotten how honored they should be to be a part of this organ-I-zation. Two men who have not yet signed contracts for the future in Detroit.
Gustav Nyquist and Joakim Andersson are your enemy now. How dare they not sign for the league minimum to put on the Wing crested sweater. I beg you, gentlemen, to spread the word. Take to the masses with speeches about these curmudgeons. Shed light on the information starved. Let no man, woman, or child walk the streets without knowing about those two money grubbers. The responsibility now rests on your shoulders. Go forth. And God speed.