"Because I'm retired" and "I have a job."

"RooseBill #RedWings F Fabian Brunnstrom is a new daddy, Wife Sandy gave birth to Alexander Noah (7 pounds, 3 ounces) last night @DetroitRedWings #NHL "

Congrats Fabian and Sandy.

"The commissioner (Gary Bettman) promised me I was next. We even had a meeting over lunch this past season, and he had all his people here, and he goes, 'Yeah, I promised Mike he'd be the next one to go in the Eastern Conference.' So I expect to be in next year. Jimmy D (Devellano) is on the phone every other week reminding them."

"Ken Kal will be joined by special guests Chris Osgood and Kris Draper tonight on the play-by-play. Each of the former players will add their unique commentary for one period, with Osgood in the first, and Draper in the second."

He’s been the cornerstone of the best NHL franchise over the last two decades. He’s won the Norris Trophy six times. To win six of anything you clearly have to be good.

Or just painfully maddeningly consistently great. And for a defenseman this doesn’t mean putting up lots of goals or doing triple dekes. This means applying pressure, moving the puck, and anchoring the power play. Lidstrom, however, does none of these things. He’s never been known for being physical. He doesn’t even have a cool Swedish accent, he speak perfect Midwest English.

It’s possible for defenseman to be exciting, if they have a big slapshot like Ray Bourque, throw their bodies around like Scott Stevens, or happen to be seven feet tall like Zdeno Chara.

Nick Lidstrom is a leader and plays the game right and all that stuff white people tell their kids to do but don’t actually like watching. Awesome.

"You guys inspired me every day. Every day I went to the gym, I thought of you guys. Every game day, I wanted to play so well because I knew you guys would be watching. I wanted to work so hard ... so you guys would be proud of me."

"All those clubs need an opportunity to be heard," [Gary] Bettman said. "That's a process we'll go through the first half of next season, looking at the issues that clubs want to raise, looking at various possibilities, and trying to figure out what will make the most sense moving forward."

NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman referring to the Detroit Red Wings, Columbus Blue Jackets, and Nashville Predators in addressing possible league realignment in 2012.

In the immortal words of Lloyd Christmas... So you're telling me there's a chance!1 YEAH!!!

Red Wings forward Danny Cleary passed his baseline test Tuesday, clearing him from a concussion he suffered in the last game of the season.

Todd Bertuzzi, however, continues to feel the effects of a concussion he suffered, also in Game 7 against San Jose.

"That game (game 7) is Thursday night in San Jose, and please tell me where the party is because the Wings will win that game."

"It was a nail-biter Tuesday, but punch anyone in the face who told you San Jose is the better team."

"Now the Sharks are feeling the heat. Their captain Joe Thornton should retire and live in a hut in the middle of the Pacific if he lets another slip away."

"Helm did a little math in his head when told the line's [Grind Line] heyday began in '97, figured out he was "10 or 12" years old back then and so "I must have been in Grade 1 or 2," either an indictment of the Canadian educational system, or possibly Helm."

This is some funny stuff right here.