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Quick Hits: In Ilitch We Trust

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Why should you come to Detroit? Three words: CUPPY, CUPPY, CUPPY (Mandatory Credit: Rick Osentoski-US PRESSWIRE)
Why should you come to Detroit? Three words: CUPPY, CUPPY, CUPPY (Mandatory Credit: Rick Osentoski-US PRESSWIRE)

Hockeytown, No Limits

The Malik Report : No Justin Schultz for the Red Wings, but most Wings UFA targets will test the market
I would like to officially wish Justin Schultz all the best of luck in fucking up his career and getting off to the wrong start. May you choke on a puck, you stupid dick (JJ wrote this).

Watch brilliant Red Wings fan sales pitch/guilt trip to Zach Parise and Ryan Suter (VIDEO) | Puck Daddy - Yahoo! Sports
Tyler is famous.

Ilitch could be deciding factor | FOX SPORTS DETROIT
If the Red Wings land a big fish or two in free agency, owner Mike Ilitch might be the hook. Also...hey look! More Tyler over at FSD!

Abdelkader on contract talks starting: "I think everyone is kind of eager for it to start." | Red Wings Front
I'm eager too. Just don't screw us fans over.

Around the NHL

Jay Feaster Loses What Little Mind He Has Left, Signs Dennis Wideman To A 5-Year, $26.25 Million Dollar Deal - Matchsticks and Gasoline
Calgary fans are just thrilled about the Wideman signing.

NHL, players agree on a temporary cap ceiling of $70.2 million | ProHockeyTalk
There. Set your Capgeek rosters back by $100,000 and let's continue our downward spiral to insanity together.

NHLPA announces 31-player negotiating committee | ProHockeyTalk
Henrik Zetterberg is part of the NHLPA's negotiating committee coming into this summer's CBA talks. The players already seem way more prepared for this one than they were last time.

Ralph Krueger Named the Oilers New Coach - The Copper & Blue
Ralph Krueger sounds like the idiot brother. Like he invades your daydreams to draw pictures of horses fucking just to mess with you. Not really dangerous, but you wish he'd go away. He probably knows about hockey too. I don't know. Read the link (JJ wrote this one too).

Donald Was Wrong Update #1 - Battle of California
Everybody has that one guy or girl in their office who fucking sucks. Megalodon has Donald, who is probably part imaginary. Either way, Donald was wrong and now to the victor goes the spoils (Also JJ).

Blues Extend Coach Ken Hitchcock's Contract For Two Seasons - St. Louis Game Time
The Blues made sure that Ken Hitchcock would be around long enough for TJ Oshie to tune him out.

We're Talkin' About Shoppin' - Blue Line Bargain Bin - Second City Hockey
Hawks fans are setting their sights low for free agency. Good plan.

Let's Go Red Wings.