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So You've Got $13 Million Lying Around? We're Here to Help

Where to put a new arena? We'll I've got some huge... tracts of land.
Where to put a new arena? We'll I've got some huge... tracts of land.

As August rolls on, I find myself looking at Capgeek for fun (shut up, it's fun to me). While there, I couldn't help but notice that the Wings have $13M in cap space they're not using. Looking at available players, I'm sure we could waste it all on some stopgap player or save it for a rainy day, but that shit's boring.

Instead, here's a list of things Mike Ilitch could do with $13M that everybody agrees would be awesome:

  • Spend it all on $1 hot dogs for Larry Murphy. This should be enough hot dogs to make Murph gain approximately 1.2 million pounds of body fat.
  • Buy almost two years of Gary Bettman's services showing up at events, sneering at the crowd, and getting booed heavily. I guess he could also do other stuff. Light filing, checking tax returns, hiding millions in revenues from the players...
  • 12 1/2 days worth of Apple CEO Timothy D. Cook's services.
  • Enough milk to fill 5.5 Olympic-sized swimming pools.
  • 11 Chrysler 300s to give away at every Red Wings home game for the entire season.
  • About 368,000 Super Soakers full of beer.
  • The love of this Italian former stray cat.
  • A gigantic bag of silicone roughly the size and weight of Jonathan Ericsson, so the Red Wings can have two boobs on the ice at once (I kid. Love ya Riggy!)
  • About 3% of the what it's going to cost to build the eventual replacement for the Joe Louis Arena that the Red Wings need.

So what do you think the Wings should use their $13M on?