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BOLD PREDICTIONS 2014: The Top Dogs

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Mitchell Leff

Welcome back to the eve of a brand new hockey season, folks!  With the new season comes a new reason to live. Of course I'm talking about the light we bring into your world through the magic of our BOLD PREDICTIONS. In case you're unfamiliar with the concept, we're all going to tell you what's going to happen this season and stake our entire internet reputations on how insanely intelligent we are. However, we have a BOLD twist to our predictions: After everything is said and done, we're actually going to live up to the stuff we got wrong instead of pretending like we never said it.

Finally we get to the perfect and actually-correct predictions (also Graham's). The only people to have actually won this thing get to go last because that's where you're supposed to save your best stuff for. As a reminder of the stakes, the person who gets the most right will get to write the bragging recap post and will also get to wear my crown as the undisputed master of prognostication.

As always, feel free to put your own predictions in any one of the three BOLD PREDICTIONS posts this week. We'll give shout outs to the best of them when all is said and done.

Graham

1. The Red Wings will have at least one player finish in the top 10 in the NHL in goals at the end of the regular season.

J.J. Luke Glendening
Jeff Tatar time!
Detroitnr1 Anthony Mantha will score 45 goals in the nine games he plays for the Wings. Franzen scored five goals in a game once, anything is possible.
uvgt2bkdnme Dan Cleary
WingedOctopus Abby after Datsyuk perfects the bank shot
Kyle It's Miller Time

2. Gustav Nyquist and Tomas Tatar both finish in the top 3 in points on the Wings at the end of the regular season.

J.J. The other? Luke Glendening
Jeff Both behind Brendan Smith.
Detroitnr1 People are still content with trading one of them for Tyler Myers.
uvgt2bkdnme Dan Cleary
WingedOctopus Because nobody else can stay healthy
Kyle All credit to Riley Sheahan's saucer pass

3. Dan Cleary scores 20 goals this year.

J.J. I promised I'd eat an avocado if this happens. Go ahead and let me down, Dan Cleary.
Jeff I have no snark. This is just stupid.
Detroitnr1 For Grand Rapids.
uvgt2bkdnme Dan Cleary
WingedOctopus Is this for like air hockey or what?
Kyle Avocados all around if this happens

4. Ryan Sproul and Xavier Ouellet both play at least 27 games for the Wings this year.

J.J. Putting them just behind Kindl, Lashoff, and Quincey, who all get into at least 80 each.
Jeff Not if Nick Jensen has anything to say about it.
Detroitnr1 Ericsson's finger injury lingers on.
uvgt2bkdnme Dan Cleary
WingedOctopus I wish.
Kyle Scores more goals than all the D combined

J.J. (Reigning Champion and all-around handsome dude)

1. The Toronto Maple Leafs will win the draft lottery

Graham Which will lead them to ruining one of the best prospects of the last decade like only the Leafs can
Jeff ...and pass on Connor McDavid.
Kyle Trade first overall pick for Dave Bolland
uvgt2bkdnme 1967
WingedOctopus They'll trade it for another goalie
Detroitnr1 The Leafs will trade their pick early on in the season to Pittsburgh. The Leafs will then finish last in the NHL, and the Penguins will draft McDavid.

2. Dallas will finish ahead of Colorado this season.

Graham In points and STD diagnoses
Jeff Led by my main man Tyler Seguin.
Kyle lol Brad Stuart
uvgt2bkdnme I thought these were called "BOLD" predictions?
WingedOctopus Predicting the reverse would have been far more bold
Detroitnr1 In the draft lottery.

3. Darren Helm will lead the league in shorthanded goals.

Graham Thanks to one of several glitches in NHL15
Jeff Thumbs up.
Kyle in his GM Mode on NHL 15
uvgt2bkdnme In a strange plot twist, Helm is permanently taken off the penalty kill.
WingedOctopus He also leads the league in flips caused by breakaway goalie collisions
Detroitnr1 This is will (hopefully) happen. No snark here.

4. Henrik Zetterberg will finish ahead of Pavel Datsyuk in the Selke voting.

Graham Both finish in the 30s,
Jeff But behind Patrice Bergeron.
Kyle His beard finishes ahead of himself
uvgt2bkdnme Outsiders hilariously complain about a "Red Wings bias."
WingedOctopus Something tells me this will have more to do with games played than anything
Detroitnr1 But Datsyuk wins the H(e)art Trophy.

There you go, folks. The winners.