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Red Wings Recap: Bite Night at the Joe

Jasen Vinlove-USA TODAY Sports

The Wings welcomed the wayward Sharks into their barn for a late-season swim in the waters of the Joe Louis arena. The Sharks are about to miss the playoffs and potentially fire a good coach because of bad decisions about the team's roster. Their ex-captain called out their GM in public and the guy who is supposed to be the heart and soul of the team for the future is a horse-faced dork. Still, nobody cares about the Sharks and the Red Wings just lost a freaking game to the Coyotes.

Box Score here.

What's the best way for a struggling goalie to get back on his game? How about a goal 19 seconds into the game on a bad turnover by Ericsson in his own zone. There was a bit of traffic and the puck may have changed direction, but the shot was a floated wrister from the very far left point that got over his shoulder short side. This is the softest goal Howard has given up in 2015.

Three minutes later, Joe Thornton gave the Wings a power play by acting like a big baby and spearing Henrik Zetterberg. What a guy.

The Red Wings power play was garbage and it made the Sharks better.

Not even ten minutes in, the Wings find themselves down 2-0 as Matt Nieto gets enough space in front to bounce it off the post and in off Howard. Garbage defense, garbage goaltending, garbage effort. The team with fewer than 80 points isn't the one that looks like the one missing the playoffs to this point.

Mike Babcock's brilliant strategy of putting the fourth line out immediately pays off as Tomas Jurco gets credit for a beautiful mess of a goal on Niemi's doorstep. The entire Sharks' defense takes a break from clearing the puck out of the crease to temporarily fuck a football and Jurco gets credit as probably the last guy to touch the puck.

Just a few minutes later, the Sharks remind us that they are indeed NOT a playoff team as a turnover up the middle of their own zone turns into a shot for DeKeyser floating point-to-point that Tatar tips under Niemi. Things aren't all entirely awful anymore!

If you're trying to feel good about things, the Wings give you a good excuse not to. Howard gives up a goal from behind the blue line thanks to not having his paddle down and Andersson kicking it under him. I'm sure the guy who scored this has a hockey pedigree somewhere but I've never heard of him. Sound like a history teacher.

Pity power play given to the Wings late in the first as Pavelski breathes wrong and takes a penalty. Thanks refs.

3-2 Sharks after 1

Petr Mrazek comes out in goal. Howie can go blow out the candles on his birthday cake.

Danny DeKeyser draws a call early in the 2nd as Joe Thornton cheats again, sweeping Deke's legs out from under him. The Wings waste the power play, but get a few good looks. The first unit is out there the whole two minutes.

After a bit more of nothing, the Wings go shorthanded as Zidlicky cross-checks a guy and then complains about the call like the refs haven't been letting the Wings get away with a bunch the whole game. Wings kill it off, but the Sharks' PP looks dangerous.

Bunches of bullshit for the rest of the Period. Wings outshoot SanJo 12-7 in the period but can't get a guy close enough to Niemi to punch in any of the horseshit rebounds he's pooping out.

3-2 Sharks after 2

Couture makes it 4-2 just 31 seconds in on a turnover as he finds the far post. Things are bad again. Howard would've stopped it.

Wings get the hero they need a few minutes in as Niemi craps a rebound out front and Stephen Weiss takes advantage of Pulkkinen playing the net-front to make it 4-3 just under four minutes in.

Marleau makes it 5-3 1:17 later. Not even Hasek could save this team.

If you think the game can't get dumber, just wait a few minutes until Joe Thornton scores a goal for the Red Wings by clearing a loose puck off Scott Hannan's dick and into the net. lol.

After the ten-minute mark, Mrazek makes a superior glove-flash save on a 2-on-1 rush. Dozens killed all rushing to the same joke about how Jimmy wouldn't have made that save. A bit after that, Pulkkinen brings down a hail mary and just gets shut down by Niemi on the semi-breakaway.

Vlasic humps Abdelkader with 4:29 left and they both go to the box for roughing. Ok.

Wings pull Mrazek and Marleau doesn't take long to pump it into the open net. Game over.

6-4 Sharks after 3

Next game Saturday against Tampa. Detroit hasn't beaten them all season. Good time for a "turning point."