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Red Wings Fans Hate Rankings

2016 William Hill PDC World Darts Championships - Day Eleven Photo by Jordan Mansfield/Getty Images

Last week, when we gave you guidance on the best playoff teams to bandwagon, all we asked in return was for you to tell us the truth about which teams belong on the list of squads for whom you’d disown your own children were you to discover your offspring’s affinity for them. You fine folks delivered, and now I’m happy to share with you the top ten teams y’all hate more than getting a splinter under your fingernail.

We calculated the results based on total weighted vote, giving 10 points for a #1 MOST-HATED TEAM vote and sliding down to just 1 point for a 10th-most hated team. Here are the results:

10. San Jose Sharks - 914 Points

The Sharks got only four first-place votes and the biggest position for them was 6th, but the sting of two straight 2nd round losses to this team has faded behind the Sharks’ being the least-annoying California team. That whole big beard thing with Thornton and Burns is still stupid though.

9. Philadelphia Flyers - 1,026 Points

Philly got just three first-place votes and maxed out in 7th, but overtook the Sharks due to more people voting them 2nd-5th than San Jose. They own the Wings in Philadelphia and look like a team that smells of hot dogs boiled in gym socks. The Flyers’ biggest shortcoming lately is their inability to deal with more-annoying Eastern teams.

8. Montreal Canadiens - 1,164 Points

Five first-place votes a peak in voting at sixth has the Habs as the 8-seed. As this organization gets out of its own way and stops shooting itself in the foot, the hate will rise, but right now they’re benefiting from being the hated rivals of two Atlantic teams that Wings fans like much less than the Canadiens. If Price’s injury hadn’t hilariously derailed them last year I could see this ranking being much higher, but until then they’re the dumb guy who walks into a pole while trying to tell you that your shoe’s untied.

7. Toronto Maple Leafs - 1,762 Points

Toronto got 23 first-place votes and plateaued in 3rd-6th position. They also led the top 10 most-hated teams with 27 votes for LEAST-hated among all 29 other teams. I think envy factors into both of these considerations, as some fans feel like they can’t really hate a beneficent idiot, seeing as how the Leafs have so many of those darn good hockey kids and also Matt Martin. Like the Habs, the hatred will grow when the team earns it by winning more.

6. Tampa Bay Lightning - 1,928 Points

It’s beautiful symmetry that the Bolts got 19 first-place votes and ALSO 19 votes for least-hated. Tampa got a lot of fourth-place votes, but were on 30 fewer ballots than the number 5 team. I get that it’s easy to feel conflicted about an Yzerman-built team who embraced youth like the Wings haven’t, but that team is chock-full of fartmeisters and they have trampled all over the Wings since Detroit moved East so that whole squad can get bent.

5. Anaheim Ducks - 2,090 Points

The Ducks ranked first on only 16 ballots, but were very strongly represented outside the top two. For many, this team still represents the darkness standing against the light of what used to be the Red Wings Way™. The Ducks have always been a goon dummy team and I’ll never forgive them for taking the 2007 Cup from us and also for taking a ton out of the 2009 team. Combine that with Getzlaf, Perry, and Kesler’s status as the Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle of the NHL and you’ve got a recipe for cross-conference hate to stay warm.

4. Colorado Avalanche - 2,321 Points

Oh how the mighty have fallen. The Avs still rate pretty high on the hate scale, but they only got 43 first-place votes. Their voting was weighted up front, falling off after sixth place, but all that shows is that with what the Avs have done to themselves, the club that laid claim to first for a very long time is essentially one that people only really worry anymore make it into the top five... which they barely did. Stupid rivals can’t even rival right when it’s just not fun to watch them to lose nowadays.

3. Boston Bruins - 3,497 Points

Boston is solidly in third from a total points and a specific-voting standpoint, having received over 100 third-place votes in our poll and only 51 for first place. The Bruins are basically the new Ducks for Wings’ fans. They’re big and dumb and have beaten us in the playoffs. They employ some grade-A fuckos and are owned by a guy who has a direct hotline to Hell. Patrice Bergeron deserves better than to be associated with this team, but his failure to put a drop-kick on unsuspecting teammate Brad Marchand makes him an objectively bad person.

2. Pittsburgh Penguins - 5,054 Points

The only team to sniff close to the title, the Penguins garnered 194 first place votes and 175 for second place. From the league handing them the ‘09 title to the fact that they’re currently on the repeat seat with a decent-looking shot at unseating the 97/98 Wings, the Penguins still manage to be overrated. Count Chocula Malkin, Golden Boy Crosby, ol’ Angle-Teeth Fleury and Kris Toughest-Baby-in-the-League Letang are still hanging around and those guys can fuck off. They used to have James Neal too, but traded him for Patric Hornqvist, which is like saying you’re still killing puppies for fun, but doing it more humanely now.

1. Chicago Blackhawks, 5,909 Points

Y’all knew this was going to happen. Chicago had 252 first-place votes, which is 30 more than #9th overall Philadelphia had total votes. This club was a laughingstock for so long, but still dedicate their time to chanting that Detroit sucks because of their severe little brother syndrome. Chicago did things “the right way” in a league that made the right way stupid. We’ve even gotten to the point where a large chunk of Blackhawks fans hate that fanbase. It’s like a dipshit singularity in the middle of the Windy City.

BONUS: The Least-Hated

This turned out to be a decently-close competition, but I can’t help but think the voting was driven by the fact that all the teams were listed alphabetically and by the time people went down the whole list going “nah, fuck them”, it drove a lot of votes to the “gotta vote for somebody” consideration. Although, in fairness, the Caps won this and that’s easily defensible due to the whole Ovechkin not being Crosby thing.

Still, just remember that least-hated does not mean “liked.” Fuck you, Caps.

So there you have it, the ten most-hated and the one least-hated team in the NHL, according to WIIM Science. Just remember, if you’re a fan of any team that isn’t the Red Wings, screw you as well.

Just not as much as the Blackhawks.