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Recap: LCA Winsystem - Red Wings 5, Bruins 1

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NHL: Preseason-Boston Bruins at Detroit Red Wings Diane Weiss-USA TODAY Sports

All right, first hockey game at Little Caesars Arena is a go!

Since this is pre-season, this recap will be a little haphazard, probably even more stream of consciousness than usual.

Fortunately, everyone’s (except for that one person) favorite recap feature is back: “How do we feel right now gifs.”

Today’s theme is a show that I can’t believe it’s taken this long for me to watch. Are we ready for recap time?

Does the new arena look cool so far?

Yeah, pretty damn cool.

First Period

Ken and Mickey have a sea of red behind them during their pregame intros. If the team gets off to a bad start in the season, it’ll be hard not to guess what circle of Dante’s hell we are in.

The national anthem is over, and now I get to see the Boston lineup and hope that I know some of the players/numbers. Please don’t be upset if there is a lot of “the Bruins guy.”

Riley Sheahan sets up to take the opening faceoff at LCA, which is only fitting because he closed out the Joe in such strong fashion (and will likely not be on the team for opening night, so the irony factor is strong).

Boston penalty almost immediately. Surprisingly, it's not for slashing or looking at the linesman wrong during the faceoff.

Let’s go PP!

After 50 seconds, Parenteau slashes the stick and gets a penalty. Apparently the refs didn't get the memo from the league that they are supposed to lay off a bit.

We are almost five minutes in. Detroit leads the shot category 1-0. It’s that exciting.

Chris Osgood doesn't know what to do with all this room in between the benches. Where does he point his death glare?

The Red Wings are called for too many men on the ice about 5:30 in. If a goal for the season was “don’t take a lot of penalties,” it’s not going very well.

Also based on last year’s power play, if the officials keep this up, this will be Red Wings fans this season:

Boston takes a slashing penalty halfway through the first, and Detroit goes to the power play.

Glad to see my prediction come true that "LUKE WITKOWSKI CAN PLAY BOTH OFFENSE AND DEFENSE AND GRIT" will be the new Ott narrative. This may be a LONG year.

We have a broadcast change from last year. Instead of having an interview where they do a split screen so you can’t see the play, this year they are showing a large outdoor screen in one half of the split screen so you can’t see the play in both halves. It’s fantastic.

(this is not a joke)

Detroit doesn’t score and takes a penalty, even though the Detroit player did his best “raise your stick to the sky like you are completely innocent” move.

The Detroit announcers are fully on board with the “players will adjust to the slashing calls” line of thinking. I’m not making an editorial comment, just pointing out that this is obviously a narrative they have been told to push.

Boston scores to make it 1-0 on the power play. Howard looked like he was screened. Austin Czarnik picks up the goal.

There’s another penalty to Boston. I betcha can’t guess what it was for. Rather than retype it here, I’ll just embed my dumb joke:

Detroit kills that off, but goes shorthanded again for an interference penalty that goes uncalled 99% of the time. They escape the period still down 1-0.

Second Period

We are getting a really good look at what the empty seats look like at the LCA at the start of the second period. (They are red).

The whistle blows 4 minutes in, and I have already been conditioned to anticipate a slashing penalty.

GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Martin Frk scores the first Red Wings goal in the LCA. Anthony Mantha with a beautiful no-look pass, and Frk makes no mistake. The empty seats sit motionless, but I was excited.

Also, sorry for being so late to this but I couldn’t watch games up until now: If you wanted a guy with a huge beard like Patrick Eaves or Brent Burns but without the talent, you may want to try Luke Witkowski.

It’s been seemingly hours since the last slashing call, and I’m going into withdrawal.

Haha, I’m not even joking. After I hit enter, Boston was called for slashing.

I haven’t seen this much slashing since people realized they could write fan fiction involving The Doctor and Captain Jack Harkness. (this joke will have a limited audience).

GOALLLLLLLLL!!!

Martin Frk shoots from the point, Nielsen is in front of the net and puts the rebound home. 2-1 Red Wings!

Double GOAL!!!!!

Nielsen scores again. Flip from Larkin into the zone. Mantha feathers it across to Nielsen, who rips it by the goalie.

GOAL!!!

I was still looking for a gif of the second Nielsen goal when Frans put a saucer pass to Darren Helm. Helm ripped it past the goalie. All the sudden, hockey is fun again.

In case you couldn’t watch, feast your eyes on this:

If you were wondering how long it would take for Mickey to talk about "ginger ale," the answer is 39:40 into tonight's game.

Wings lead 4-1 heading into the....

Third Period

How I’m feeling heading into the third:

Larkin bursts into the zone off a feed from Parenteau. He’s hooked....and slashed? Wait, what? I mean, I’ll take it.

The Bruins are now one slash away from getting a free slash next game or another game of their choice.

Frk scores his third point of the night on a blast from the point on the 5 on 3.

Man oh man. JJ was onto something with making him this year’s Vanek.

The looks behind the scenes at the new arena are a lot of fun. As was Mickey’s story about being distracted by “ginger ale” and not getting down to ice-level by the start of the third.

Oh, Malcolm Subban is in net for the third.

Ken Daniels is now pushing the “Tatar only scores goals when they don’t matter” narrative. So that will compete with the “Witkowski is valuable because he plays two positions (terribly)” narrative.

I guess I better get on board with this: (I’ll complain about this all year)

The officials just called Jeff Blashill for slashing. That’s a joke now, but it might not be later in the game.

Your final is 5-1 Detroit. That’s not a typo. We won.

We feel really good right now, but remember that it’s pre-season. Boston didn’t have a lot of their NHL players. I’m obviously hoping that Detroit has a good season, but tonight’s good feelings could end up just like this:

But....I want to be positive, so I’m hoping for this!

Thanks for reading, and LGRW!!