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Player Grades: Danny DeKeyser

Detroit Red Wings v Boston Bruins Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images

Player Profile:

Name: Danny DeKeyser

DOB: March 7, 1990 (28 yrs. old)

Born: Detroit, Michigan

Height/Weight: 6’3” / 192lbs

Position: Defense

Shoots: Left

Player Stats:

GP : 65

G: 6

A: 6

PIM: 28

ATOI: 20:19

Identifying Characteristics:

Shapeshifts into broken vending machine, causes involuntary sighing, looks like the nerdiest bro

OTHER TEAMS’ EXCLUSIVE INTEL: Danny DeKeyser has had all needed vaccinations, looking for a forever home, some training may be required, nice guy who tries hard, will become Norris-caliber to spite Red Wings fans (me) who said mean things.


Red Wings fans, hello.

Season Narrative:

After missing time with a nagging ankle injury, he split time the rest of the season between Nick Jensen and Mike Green. He’s not particularly injury prone, as the past three seasons he’s played almost every game, so it wasn’t hugely worrying for him to be out in the Fall and I don’t think is something to worry about for him moving forward.

Also, he is not good so it was extra not-worrying.

The good news is, his presence on the powerplay was all but eliminated so I don’t have to complain about that. For reference, in 13-14 and 14-15 he spent about 100 minutes on the PP over the season and in 15-16 and 16-17 he saw his powerplay time cut down to about 40 minutes total. This season? 10 minutes.

The bad news is, he played 20 minutes a night and sucked. I was begging for a bounceback season, and we just got the same old garbage. He made me sad every time he stepped onto the ice. What is there to even summarize? He was on ice a lot, he was awful a lot, and I hope that none of the young gun defensemen end up paired with him in years to come.

Spoiler Alert: They will.

I tried really hard to find some redeeming information to convince myself, and you, that his season wasn’t as bad as it felt. When all else failed, I searched my own Twitter desperate for evidence that I had complimented DeKeyser. I found myself calling him “the American Derek Meech” and remembering his own-goal from March 2017 before finally, I saw a tweet where I said “nice screen by DeKeyser” so good job buddy.

I guess he has the world fooled, or a best friend in Jeff Blashill, because he seems to keep getting invited to be on Team America for things. I’m gonna go with Door #2 on that one.

In short, Danny DeKeyser left his mark this year by losing many one-on-none puck battles.

Did he meet expectations?

Danny turned 28 this year so he should be entering the prime of his defensive career. In anticipation of this emergence, we took the bold strategy where we pay him buckets of money and he is a perpetual destructive disappointment. I suppose he met my personal expectations because he was also terrible last year. And the year before. And...actually not that bad the year before that. Moving on.

Here we grade performance against expectation for a player in that role, and we expect a LOT more from any defenseman on the team let alone someone getting a lot of ice time. I don’t know what Danny would have to do to get benched, because he’s tried everything short of setting out a lawn chair and doing the crossword during his shifts.

Even if it was revealed he was playing through all of his ribs being replaced by pool noodles and that he had in fact been cursed by a coven of witches I would still expect more. Any which way you slice it, out of the 1,321 minutes he spent on ice this season I’d say at least 1,300 could be summarized with various fart noises.

Better luck next year?

Fun fact: DK is tied with Alex Edler, Andrew MacDonald, Morgan Rielly, and Andy Greene for 43rd highest paid defenseman in the league. Did I mention we will be paying him a lot of money for quite some time?

Final Grade: D-

Thanks for showing up, but it doesn’t matter if you tried your best because you sucked.


How would you grade Zetterberg?

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  • 6%
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  • 15%
    (168 votes)
  • 7%
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  • 8%
    (90 votes)
  • 5%
    (58 votes)
  • 1%
    (19 votes)
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    (59 votes)
  • 7%
    C-areful now.
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  • 6%
    D-on’t you dare.
    (71 votes)
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    F - you, blocked and reported.
    (209 votes)
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