Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages: it is now time for the Winging it in Motown Bold Predictions Awards Show!
To borrow a joke from Mitch Hedberg, I watched the NHL Awards Show one time, which is why I didn’t watch the NHL Awards Show a second time. I think I remember enough from that soul-sucking experience to be able to do a reasonable imitation of the type of awards show that belongs in the professional hockey universe.
If you have forgotten from last off-season, every year, writers for Winging it in Motown make five bold predictions for the upcoming season. It’s always a difficult balance to strike because there is glory if you get a prediction correct, but shame if you don’t make it bold enough.
To get the evening started, let’s bring out our first presenters. We wanted to make it clear that this awards show was for everyone, so despite every single person I consulted advising me against it, our first presenters are Patrick Kane and Duncan Keith!
Kane: “Hey Duncan, what do you think of someone who gets a bold prediction right?
Keith: “I mean I guess they did a good job, Patrick.”
Kane: Isn’t there something else you might say about the job they did?”
Kane pulls out a bottle of Gatorade and unscrews the cap.
Keith: “Oh, you mean smoo—”
All right, ladies and gentlemen! I now realize why this was a terrible idea. Thanks a lot, you two. I’ll just take it from here.
Our first category is the Boldest Wrong prediction. This is a prediction that you just have to admire for how wrong it ended up being.
Our nominee from Team Delvecchio is JJ, who predicted: “The Red Wings will finish above Toronto in the standings.” Unfortunately, there was a slight 32 point difference in the standings.
Our nominee from Team Howe is....it’s a tie? John Curran predicted: “Edmonton will win the Western Conference Championship.” To be fair, this was obviously not a bad prediction, it just didn’t turn out well. The other nominee from Team Howe is...me? Well, I guess that’s fair. So, I predicted: “Josh Ho-Sang will win finish in the top three for the Calder Trophy this season.” This was also a little....not correct.
Lastly, from Team Lindsay we have Josh, who predicted: “Mrazek has bounce back season, plays 50+ games due to Howard injury, save % above .920.”
And the winner is......Oh, I just remembered, we’re going to let you, the fantastic WIIM Community vote for the winners. . Please take this seriously, as each winner will receive....let me check my notes here.....nothing. It’s nothing.
Oh well, on to the second category. To present this award we have famous Las Vegas magician Criss Angel!
The theme song to Mindfreak blasts at far too high a volume level for the theater
Angel: Hockey fans, make some noise! Here, I have a very famous illusion called...The Aztec Tomb! I’m going to need a special volunteer for this, so please welcome NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman!
Boos rain down from everywhere
Angel: Now, Mr. Bettman, please step inside the tomb. I will spin it around and around and around and......he’s gone!
Angel: Now, it’s time to bring him back! Here we —
Peter whispers something and hands Angel a large stack of money
Angel: (off mic) “Are you sure? That storage place from Raiders? OK, it’s your show.”
Angel: (into mic) “Here we go off the stage and somewhere else, thank you!
“Well, I guess I’m presenting again, so here we go. The second category is Boldest Correct Prediction. This is one that everyone laughed at until it came true.
From Team Delvecchio, we have Kyle, who predicted: “The Golden Knights finish ahead of at least two teams in the West.” Doesn’t seem bold now, but at the time it certainly was.
From Team Howe, we have Sara, who went even bolder and predicted: “The Golden Knights make the playoffs.”
From Team Lindsay is Mike Bremer: “Mickey Redmond will comment on how, in contrast to the old days at the Olympia, a lot more food than just hotdogs is available to buy at the LCA. He will do this more than ten times.” You’d think surely they would have stopped him before the tenth time, but nope.
Don’t forget to go vote for your winner in the poll below!
The last award we have for tonight is the big winner, the person who had the most bold predictions come true.
Tied for 4th place, with zero out of five predictions correct are: Graham, Mike M, Robert , and Josh.
Tied for 3rd place, with one out of five predictions correct are: JJ, Peter, and John.
Tied for 2nd place, with two out of five predictions correct are: Kyle, Prashanth, and Mike Bremer.
Which only leaves one person. Our grand champion of predicting boldly.......with a PERFECT FIVE FOR FIVE, IT’S SARA!
While she makes her way up to accept the award, here are her five bold predictions:
Jimmy Howard starts 50+ games for the Red Wings this season
Danny DeKeyser has fewer points than Jonathan Ericsson
Martin Frk scores 5+ powerplay goals as a Red Wing
Henrik Zetterberg never misses more than 2 games in a row all season
The Golden Knights make the playoffs
Sara: (note, this is actually Sara. I wouldn’t ever even try to write in her inimitable voice.)
“Wow, what an honor to win this most prestigious award! So many people to thank, actually not really, the only person I would like to thank is Henrik Zetterberg. Not only for staying healthy, but also just in general because he deserves to be thanked every day. You can’t spell “thanks” without “hank.”
You may wonder how it feels to utterly demolish the competition and emerge as champion (as 2002 was a long time ago) but I am not here to slander my colleagues and the wrongness of their entirely too bold predictions. I stand before you, on this virtual podium...STOP SIGNALING MY TIME IS UP, I DO NOT YIELD THE FLOOR...anyway, I look forward to using my powers for good and boldly predicting a trip to the playoffs next season, a 30-goal scorer, and Zetterberg not breaking my heart.
Thank you, and Gord bless Hockeytown.
Here are all three of the original bold predictions articles.
Who should win the Boldest Wrong Prediction?
This poll is closed
Who should win the Boldest Correct Prediction?
This poll is closed