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Catastrophe. Panthers easily defeat the Wings 6-1. Sunrise, Sunset.

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Don’t even THINK this was Jimmy’s fault, it’s only his fault the score wasn’t 12-1.

NHL: Detroit Red Wings at Florida Panthers Robert Mayer-USA TODAY Sports

It’s quite possible there are more Wings fans than Panthers fans in the building, out of the ten people at the game.

1st Period

Wings immediately give up 2 shots on goal, good start. A few minutes in the puck maybe goes behind Jimmy, maybe, he does a weird starfish trapped in a fishing net stop that looked uncomfortable.

Call is no goal, it’s under review, and the call stands. We’re still tied 0-0!

Until we’re not.

Josh Brown gets his first goal and first NHL point as the Panthers score about 7 minutes in. He’s left wide open and the Wings were all just kinda hanging around the crease. Panthers up 1-0.

Wings continue to blearily patrol the space and ensure that Jimmy’s blood pressure skyrockets, and Bowey takes a penalty on another scoring chance by the Panthers and the Panthers IMMEDIATELY SCORE and go up 2-0.

AA continues trying to make AA things happen but just loses the handle as he gets to the net, at least someone is trying today. The whole crew of Bert, AA, and Mantha are buzzing and-oh ok AA takes a tripping penalty that’s fine too.

6 minutes to go and the penalty kill begins! Another desperate save by Jimmy on the doorstep. Any time the defense wants to chip in, that’d be fine I think.

Nothing happened the last five minutes, I’m still showing more effort in this recap than the Wings are at the game.

The period ends with the Wings down 2-0 and out-shot 15-3.

2nd Period

Wings looking a bit better to kick things off, Rasmussen sets up a nice chance for Ehn, first time that line has done anything this game.

The fans in attendance are just as bored and listless as those of us watching from home.

6 minutes in and Florida takes a Too Much Man(TM) penalty, and Wings get their first powerplay! Hronek is such a nice presence on the powerplay, our second powerplay unit is just ughhhhhhhhwhhyyyyynoooooo.

Guess what? It’s now 3-0 on a nifty redirect and Jimmy is looking for suggestions of obscure pantheons to pray to, as his current list has not provided defense. 11:30 left in the period.

Another powerplay for the Wings! AND WE SCORE!! Vanek puts the puck into a wide open net on a nice pass from Nielsen and we’ve ruined the shutout. 3-1 Panthers with 7:30 left in the period.

A whole lot of nothing happens for a few minutes.

With 7 seconds left, Hronek takes a tripping penalty so we’ll start the third on the penalty kill.

The period ends with the Wings down 3-1 and out-shot 27-10. Jimmy Howard is the only reason this game isn’t 7-1 right now.

3rd Period

We start the period on the penalty kill for a minute and a half. The penalty is not killed. It’s 4-1.

Moments later and it’s 5-1. “Two Florida Panthers with their first career goals.” Typical.

15 minutes to go, when I said I wanted a recap that didn’t go to OT this was not what I meant.

It’s 6-1.

Nothing happened for a long time, now there are 5 minutes to go and shots are 40-14.

4 minutes to go and Wings back on the PK.

The game ends 6-1. Panthers out-shoot the Wings 42-20. Pawsome.

Good Things of the Game: Jimmy Howard. All the Wings fans in Florida who paid actual money to attend the game.

Bad Things of the Game: The Red Wings. The state of Florida. This recap.

Montreal, here we come. Then we are home against Tampa. What could go wrong?