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Jackets 2 - Wings 0. Jimmy makes season high 43 saves and everything else is bad.

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Same old Red Wings. Awful powerplay, no offense, friendly fire injuries, and a Goose hitting the empty net.

Detroit Red Wings v Columbus Blue Jackets Photo by Jamie Sabau/NHLI via Getty Images

Sorry gang, Darren Helm is not in the lineup tonight due to an undisclosed injury. Happy Game #100 to Filip Hronek!

Did you guys know Larkin and Werenski were roommates?

First Period

Took the Wings a few minutes to wake up, then they briefly fell back asleep and Jimmy had to make a sprawling skate save, but it’s fine he loves it. He last won at the end of October. Ken Daniels’ consolation is that he’s a “long way” from the record for longest without a win. What a guy.

Dubois and Bjorkstrand broke free and were charging toward Jimmy but the pass across was broken up and the Wings get called for...a Too Much Man penalty. Red Wings penalty kill goes to work with 12 minutes to go in the period. Perlini serves the Jiri Hudler Memorial Bench Minor. Penalty killed!

END THE SEASON. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Fabbri clanks one off the crossbar, almost sniped it into that top corner, he’s been buzzing all game. He wants to prove he is the better #14.

2 minutes to go and Jimmy makes a save on the Jackets second best chance this period and gets Biega pushed into him for his trouble. Jimmy makes another save, gets brushed by a stick, so Hronek pushes at someone who didn’t really do anything wrong and LGD and Daley jump in. Hronek is making a habit of going after players who haven’t really committed sports crimes.

OH NO FABBRI IS DOWN AND THE PICTURE OF AGONY. Took a puck to the dangles (am I allowed to say that on this, a family website?). Mickey Redmond says it will make Fabbri a soprano for a while, bless him.

The period ends 0-0 and Columbus should be ashamed of themselves. Jimmy has been solid and hasn’t had to be miraculous, it’s weird. Abby will be handling Fabbri’s postgame interview with Trev.

Second Period

No Fabbri AND no Bowey. Fabbri was sent for x-rays but was seen walking around with his skates on. Bowey got hit near the eye with a stick and is also gone. It was NOT friendly fire, for once. So, the bench has 12 guys on it.

18:36 and AA is sent to the Bad Boy Box because of Sports Crimes against a Goose. Penalty kill time!

Abby and Filppula get a beauty of a chance for a shorty but do not score. Lol. AA out of the box and a delayed penalty is immediately called. Red Wings chasing the puck like a pack of drunk kittens and a laser pointer.

“Referee’s arm is gettin’ tired” - Mickey Redmond

IT’S STILL GOING.

AND THE JACKETS SCORE.

Dylan Larkin’s ex-roommate gets the goal.

THAT FUDGING CANNON.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Anyway.

1-0 Jackets after ten years of delayed penalty time. It was 1:35 of time. For Cup’s sake, that’s so Red Wings.

You’re welcome!

Back to the game, almost halfway through and AA kind of kickpunches his way to the net and snaps a nice shot off from a difficult position.

Interesting story from FSD about how the coronavirus quarantine procedures in China are having a significant impact on hockey stick production. Note that Warrior hockey has their production center in Mexico.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, except you can’t stop me, Detroit takes a penalty for Too Much Man™. Wings kill the penalty and do not allow a shot, hooray!

Taro Hirose appears! I mean, he’s been here the whole time but you wouldn’t know it. He does not score. Wings get an odd man rush shortly after but Perlini’s controller disconnects and he couldn’t get a pass over to Bertuzzi.

The last few minutes remain completely lopsided but we escape the period still only down 1-0. Shots 29-9 Jackets.

Another important update:

Third Period

Wings still only have 5 defensemen. Lindstrom gets rocked but bounces right back. Stupid Foligno. Smith made some moves, got the shot away, and draws the slashing penalty at 14:05. Powerplay time! The powerplay is not good, in fact it is quite bad.

Halfway through the period, shots 39-11. Still only 1-0.

I just realized Fabbri is back, when did that happen? I noticed because he got hit with another shot but not like the first time.

Mick said his classic “jumpin’ like a monkey on a high wire” line. This is the best thing that happened this period.

7:21 to go and shots are 43-12. James Tiberius Howard keeping the Wings in it. Dubois goes to the Punishment Booth and it’s powerplay time again. It’s also terrible! Powerkill successful.

We had a decent shot that required a legit kicksave!

Lindstrom is making some great plays even in this garbage game, Mickey is so proud of him.

Two minutes left and Jimmy heads to the bench, probably fires up a ridesharing app.

Goose is loose for the empty netter and that’s that.

2-0 Blue Jackets. Great work Jimmy Howard, you deserve better.