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Catastrophe. Panthers bury Wings 7-2 and everything hurts.

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And yes, the powerplay has still not scored in 2021.

Florida Panthers v Detroit Red Wings Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images

Leaving this here with no context or explanation.

First Period

Quick start to the game with the Panthers clanking one off the post and the Wings firing off three shots in the first 2 minutes, which is a moral victory for us after scoring no goals against Chicago last game.

We also get some early delighted laughter out of Mickey Redmond after Djoos kicks the puck up and out toward the Panthers bench and Ekblad has a medium-sized mood about it. Didn’t go over the glass so no penalty.

First real good chance of the game is from Huberdeau right out front while Staal enjoys the view but Greiss takes care of business. They don’t waste time setting up again and make it 1-0 Panthers just 6 minutes in. A bit of a strange series of events with an almost-icing but a good shot and nothing Greiss could have done about it.

Guess what? Now it’s 2-0 Panthers. Red Wings get absolutely clowned as Huberdeau strolls through zone with little resistance.

If that wasn’t bad enough, now it’s powerplay time! Nielsen gets hooked and Stralman goes to the Bad Boy Box. We don’t score, obviously, but we also don’t give up a goal. Huzzah. That puts our powerplay at 31 failures in a row and counting.

BEEP BEEP HERE COMES THE TRASH TRUCK. 3-0 Panthers. 3 goals in 7 shots and it is not Greiss’ fault.

BOBBY RYAN SLAPSHOT ZINGER! Wings are on the board. 3-1 Panthers with 6 minutes to go.

But no time to celebrate, only for more pain!

PAIN PAIN PAIN.

PAIN.

4-1 Panthers.

What’s that? You want more!? Well, pull up a chair and grab yourself a big bowl of Red Wings pooperplay! Verhaeghe heads to the Vat of Villains for slashing Fabbri. Did we score? Of course not! Did we almost score? Nope! Did we almost get scored on? Actually, no.

The powerplay is now a very nice 6.9%.

Second Period

Greiss is out. Bernier is in. Everybody on the team owes Greiss an apology.

Barkov again makes the Wings look like Mites on Ice and just strolls right through but Hronek manages to...take a slashing penalty to stop him. Hronek to the Crimes Cage and the Wings have their first penalty kill of the game less than 4 minutes in. Penalty killed!

Almost halfway through the period and the Wings finally have a great scoring chance to start closing the gap. It does not work, but there was an attempt. Ol’ Helmy Stone-hands strikes again, by not striking. If he lifted the puck it’s in the net, but he didn’t, so stick save and moving on with our day.

The Blashill Line Blender is up and running as we see Helm’s return to the first line alongside Larkin and Mantha. Then Zadina is on with Larkin and Mantha.

Helm may have injured himself, away from the play, off camera, with nobody around, as he’s spotted limping to the bench with his stick left behind.

Well I was about to say “good job, we didn’t score but we also didn’t give up any goals” but clown shoes firmly on because Ekblad just scored with 20 seconds left.

5-1 Panthers.

Third Period

Helm is back in action seemingly no worse for wear after the aforementioned banana peel slip. Red Wings quickly draw a penalty as Duclair cools his skates in the Enemy Enclosure and are giving the powerplay a third try. For some pride. A moral victory. Anything but agonizing failure.

Did the Wings score a powerplay goal? Technically no.

Did the Wings score a goal right after the penalty expired? Damn right they did. Not exactly on purpose, because Filppula wasn’t completely trying to shoot the puck, but it bounces off Duclair who had just left the box and in the net. It’s just such a Red Wings thing to have happen.

5-2 Panthers as Filppula scores his second of the year.

Don’t get excited. Don’t you dare even start to smile.

Larkin is sent to the Thug Tank for doing absolutely nothing wrong except maybe a hooking penalty and before I even finish this sentence it’s 6-2 Panthers.

Not even halfway through the period folks.

7-2 Panthers.

Still not halfway through the period folks.

Ok, now we’re there.

And now only 5 minutes to endure.

And for a little treat, a 4th Red Wings powerplay attempt! Lomberg to the Loser Lounge for slashing against Helm. Brome hits the goalpost, of a fairly open net, so good try I guess.

This pretty well summarizes it:

Game over. 7-2 Panthers. See you all tomorrow for an early evening game at 5pm ET.