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Retrograde performance: Wings lose 4-1 to Jackets..in bad fashion.

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It was the ugly (reverse retro uniforms), the ugly (offense) and the ugly (defense).

Detroit Red Wings v Columbus Blue Jackets Photo by Kirk Irwin/Getty Images

Reverse Retros tonight, gang. Prepare your eyes.

First Period

Not much to say in the first few minutes beyond lots of annoyance on The Internet about the Reverse Retros. But now it’s time for another Rrrrrred Wings Powerplay! Columbus takes a Too Much Man penalty at 13:20 and Roslovic goes to the Bad Boy Box. Wings immediately give up a shot that Bernier takes care of, but they quickly regroup and Djoos has a great chance but no go.

Another goal on the powerplay!!!

For the wrong team.

1-0 Columbus.

Djoos can’t stop the 2 on 1 rush and Atkinson snaps it right by Bernier.

Columbus gets away with another Too Much Man, so says Mickey, but we didn’t want a powerplay anyway so it’s fine.

Bernier gets not quite dog-piled, but close. The refs elect not to blow the whistle and just let Bernier keep getting jabbed at but he shakes it off and makes the 900 saves needed. Ok like, 2 saves. It felt like a lot. Korpisalo gets a quick whistle, just saying.

Bernier makes Del Zotto grimace and grit his teeth after making a snappy save and I personally love to see it.

Bobby Ryan knocks Seth Jones over with his posterior power and Jones trips him on the way down. Jones to the Crimes Cubical and Wings back to the powerplay with 6 minutes to go.

POWERPLAY GOAL FOR THE BIG FRENCHMAN! Mantha ties the game.

That’ll do it gang. Tied at 1. Shots tied at 10.

Second Period

3 minutes in and we finally get a mention of Werenski and Larkin being bffs. All is right with the world. Mickey Redmond is singing the ballad of Faceoff Specialist Luke Glendening.

Hronek is off to the Punishment Pen for tripping and Wings are on the PK. The penalty is technically killed but a second later Seth Jones scores but Blash challenges for offside.

BLASH WINS THE CHALLENGE. NO GOAL. Still tied. Mick the Card Shark explains you can’t win 52 card pick-up with 51 cards. Don’t worry about the context it doesn’t matter.

Here’s the bad news. Columbus (Riley Nash) scores again but for real 19 seconds later. Now it’s officially 2-1 Columbus with 12 minutes to go.

The wheels continue to wobble as Nemeth heads to the Enclosure of Evildoers for hooking Boone Jenner. Now we are careening toward a ditch. 3-1 Columbus on the powerplay. Bernier is getting no breaks right now.

9 minutes to go and Wings are back on the powerplay. Savard to the - aaaaand it’s over. Djoos to Trouble Terrarium for hooking making it 4 on 4 for most of our 2 minutes.

5 minutes left and shots are 24-13 Columbus. But Wings seem to have stopped the bleeding and if they can just get out of the period

Boone Jenner scores and it’s 4-1 Columbus.

Third Period

Greiss is in the game.

I just audibly said “oooo” when Staal checked Bjorkstrand hard into the boards behind Greiss. You could say he was provoked by Nash but it only matters who gets caught. Staal goes to chill in the Corruption Closet for boarding and Wings to the penalty kill. Penalty killed!

Halfway through and not much to report good or bad. Hooray?

Now Ken and Mick are talking about Lidstrom and just pour salt on that wound.

5 minutes to go and still nothing to say. Not just because I’m tired, which I am, but really nothing notable is happening.

2:30 to go and Columbus is back on the powerplay. Fabbri to the regular-size penalty box for high-sticking. Penalty killed and so is the game.

Final: Jackets 4 - Wings 1