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Boston Bruisin’: Wings welcome the new year with a 5-1 loss

A lot of sports crimes were committed.

Boston Bruins v Detroit Red Wings Photo by Dave Reginek/NHLI via Getty Images

Enjoy Mick struggling to remember more than four players while the whole panel has a case of the giggles.

First Period

Bruins boldly start a lineup that wasn’t on the starting scoresheet, which Mick argues could have and should have been a 2 minute penalty but the refs caught it before dropping the puck so you’re welcome Bruins. Not something I can remember seeing before.

Instead, Fabbri goes to the Bad Boy Box for interference against Carlo just over a minute in. “Fabbri needs to make better decisions” - Mickey Redmond. Wings to an early penalty kill. Seider and Vlad attempt to get the Wings their first shorty in...99 games? Really? Neato. The attempt did not work. Penalty killed and Fabbri tries his own rush with Vlad, that also does not work.

15:40 and it’s time for a Rrrrrrred Wings powerplay! Nosek smacks Bertuzzi’s stick into his own face, but does also catch him enough for it to be a penalty and earn a trip to the Crimes Cabana. Powerplay killed. Raymond on bumper duty is not a good look.

Dangerous bounce off the back boards and Ned makes a Big Boy Save(TM) on Steen from point blank range.

8:30 to go and WINGS SCORE! Bert in the right place at the right time to tuck the puck into an open net. 1-0 Wings. Assists to Larkin and DeKeyser.

A few minutes later and Bruins tie it up on a goal from Bergeron :( Wings didn’t give Ned much help since Bert scored and it caught up with them. That’s my polite way of saying clear the [redacted] puck once in a while.

Just under a minute to go and Raymond heads down the tunnel after elbowed in the face. Cool! [spoiler: he’ll be back for the second]

30 seconds left and a grumpy Foligno slashes Hronek in the back of the leg during a stoppage because...he’s having a tantrum because he got called for crosschecking? In any case, Foligno will end the first and start the second in the Villain Villa. Powerplay, part 1 does nothing.

That’ll do it. Tied 1-1 with shots 15-6 in favor of the Bruins.

In general, Wings need to find their Stevie Y Goon Squad energy. Raymond hit in the head with no call, Erne boarded with no call, Hronek casually slashed when play was stopped (which should have also been called alongside the original penalty).

Second Period

Powerplay: Part 2! No power, but a better effort than the first period.

Vlad and Marchand have a fight at center ice and I daresay Vlad was the winner and that’s what the crowd appreciates about him. Our little ball of rage. They both get 5 for fighting and 2 for slashing. Worth the trip to the Sin Stall.

STEVIE Y GOON SQUAD ENERGY.

A little later and there’s a pileup and a bigger scrum because Gagner gets checked in the back of the head. Swayman and Gagner end up with matching unsportsmanlike conduct penalties. Haula serves the penalty for Swayman in the Loser Locker.

Speaking of Haula, he jumps out of the box and makes it 2-1 Bruins.

Not even halfway through the period yet. Time for another Rrrred Wings powerplay! Frederic joins Marchand in the Timeout Terrarium for crosschecking Seider. The powerplay is killed. Now that’s what I call dump and chase hockey!

Now we’re halfway through.

BIG BOY SAVE FROM NED as the Wings fail to clear the puck some more.

Guess what? Another penalty! DeBrusk goes to the Hate Hut for hooking Veleno. No shots on the powerplay, that is so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And we’ll leave it there. An eventful period, at least from a sports crime standpoint.

Score 2-1 Bruins, Shots 23-16 Bruins.

And just for fun...

Third Period

Not much in the first five minutes. Wings have a shot and apparently 17 shots is the most the Wings have had against the Bruins in the last few games against them. Which is another sad stat we didn’t need, thanks Ken! “Living the dream, one nightmare at a time!” Well described, Mick.

Six minutes in and McAvoy scores. 3-1 Bruins. Rasmussen was confused and Zadina was looking the wrong way for a moment. The goal was scored only a few seconds after somebody started “WOOOOO”ing in the crowd. Coincidence?

Off camera, Marchand hurls himself at Vlad. Bitter biscuits.

Uh oh. Frederic makes it 4-1 Bruins. Ned made the first save but the rebound didn’t do him any favors.

5-1 Bruins. Nosek.

DeKeyser in the Jerk Jail for holding on Marchand. Penalty kill time! Penalty kil-and Vlad to the Evildoer Enclosure for tripping DeBrusk. Penalty kill time! Penalty killed!

Only a few more minutes left to endure.

We did it.

FINAL: 5-1 Bruins and shots 31-21