No Larkin, no Ned, 11 forwards and 7 defensemen. Let’s go!
We’ve gone two minutes without giving up a goal. Off to a good start!
5 minutes in and Red Wings go to the penalty kill! Bert to the Bad Boy Box for hooking Point. It was a fair penalty, Mick didn’t complain. The penalty is killed!
Halfway through the first and the energy level could be described as 90 year old mall-walkers trudging through molasses.
5 minutes left and shots are 14-3 Tampa. None of them have been incredible shots, but still give Greiss credit for staying awake during a very boring game so far. Stamkos blasting the puck directly into Greiss’ chest with no screens set up is a bold strategy, and somewhat insulting because yeah we’re bad but not always THAT bad.
[puts on Tigers hat] Miguel Cabrera hit counter flips to 2,996.
30 seconds left and a moment of excitement! Lindstrom gets run over by Maroon and loses his helmet, possibly loses his soul for a second, and that means he had to immediately go to the bench for a new lid. This gives the Bolts an opportunity but Greiss scrambles and keeps the puck out of the net as the clock hits 0.
In my expert and correct opinion, it was a clean hit and Lindstrom was caught trying to handle a pass from Walman that wasn’t quite on target.
Another uneventful 4 minutes with one decent chance from Zadina but now we get the cruise ship horn blaring as Colton scores with help from Stamkos. 1-0 Bolts. The Wings get it right back 22 seconds later! Tie game. A traffic jam in front of the net and the puck ends up in the net, credit goes to Sundqvist.
A few seconds later and it’s time for a Rrrrrred Wings powerplay! Cernak to the Crimes Cabana for cross-checking Bert. We’re 5 minutes in gang. The penalty is technically killed but right as it expires, VRANA SCORES! 2-1 Red Wings! Set up by Zadina making it an official Czechmates Goal.
Wings are feeling it now, Erne gets himself a little breakaway but can’t finish the job.
WINGS ARE FEELING IT NOW. LUCAS RAYMOND MAKES IT 3-1! Right through the five-hole. So this is what it feels to be a team scoring 3 goals in 4 minutes during a Red Wings game. Neat.
Here comes DeKeyser to poop the party. Penalty kill, here we go! He’s going to the Degen Den for hooking Kucherov. Mick thinks it’s a dumb penalty and it is both dumb and destructive as Kucherov scores almost immediately. 3-2 Red Wings, halfway through the game.
What a difference from the tired, boring first period.
6:30 to go and Staal in the Sin Stall for Sinning Staals. Cross-checking bullsh*t penalty against Palat. A great game is turning into a ref show. The penalty is killed! Suter and Seider put together a good attempt for a shorty.
Red Wings get their turn for a powerplay. Stamkos takes a hack at Rasmussen’s leg and it is noticed, he will sit in the Loser Locker. That will take us to the end of the period.
Wings lead 3-2. Shots 28-20 Bolts.
The 5 seconds of remaining powerplay time do not help anything. In a goal you could see in the back of the net before it even left his stick. The puck zooms around the boards behind the net, Seider misses swiping at it, and it’s a goal set up by Stamkos to Colton again. Colton was wide open out front and Greiss didn’t have much of a chance. Tie game at 19:17.
17:03 and Bert takes a chipped puck to the face that sneaks under the visor, was a backhand chippy puck and just bad luck it caught him. Hits below the eye and beside the nose, no blood but he takes a minute to get up and over to the bench. He’s poking at his face and scrunching his cheeks to make sure everything is still in the right place and seems to be ok.
VRANA DOES IT AGAIN! The Wings retake the lead.
10 minutes to go and the Wings are showing they are a hockey team!
I’ve lost some time being distracted by the way Ken Daniels says “Iowa” like “I-oh-WAH” and was trying to decide if it rhymes with Ottawa and how I say it but now I’m paying attention again. 5 minutes to go and Wings are still in the lead!
1:19 and the refs are talking about...something. They said icing wasn’t icing, but it was, but maybe the puck was out of play earlier, but we’ll say it wasn’t. They break out the lineup cards to make sure the players who were on the ice for the icing are back on the ice. Literally looking at paper lineups. Mick is laughing.
Clock reset to 1:26. REF SHOW!
45 seconds...Bolts play the puck with a high stick so goalie has to come back in for the faceoff in the Bolts end. Now he’s back to the bench.