A Marvel Character for Every NHL Team (and More!)
Here at SB Nation, we are obviously dealing with a dearth of content from new games. So, the sites at our network have theme weeks. This week’s theme is Marvel, and we were planning on doing a segment on Fer Sure.
The episode is getting pushed back to next weekend, but we wanted to make sure all of our hard work made it out to you, our fantastic community.
If you have listened to Fer Sure, you should not be surprised that when I asked Jay to come up with 5 - 10 Marvel characters and their corresponding NHL team, he sent me a list of 31. I don’t have nearly the depth of knowledge he does, I am basically limited to the movies, but I came up with some too. We asked around the WIIM writing staff for more contributions.
So, please enjoy!
Anaheim Ducks - Howard The Duck
Once derided and ridiculed for its existence and coitus with Lea “Lorraine Baines McFly” Thompson, The Ducks and Howard the Duck became relevant once someone else owned him. - Jay
Arizona Coyotes - Coyote
Just like the Marvel Character itself, you sometimes forget the Coyotes are a thing but with some research, you find that there is indeed enough proof they exist. - Jay
Boston Bruins - Ursa Major
The first Soviet mutant in the X-Men comics was a boy who was abandoned in the woods with only his shape changing powers to help him survive. His form? A bear. The Bruins are also shape changing mutants, given their propensity to be really freakishly tall or comically short. - Jay
Buffalo Sabres - Sabretooth
Known mostly for being a threat at some point in history, The Sabres and Sabretooth share the quest to be meaningful again but continue to be overshadowed by a Canadian amnesiac with claws. (insert Leafs joke here) - Jay
Calgary Flames - The Human Torch
Given that Marvel has a slew of fire powered characters, you could pick any of them to fit this. However, name recognition always wins, so congrats to Johnny Storm, a hockey name if I’ve ever heard one. *remembers Johnny Hockey* Ha, even better! - Jay
Carolina Hurricanes - Storm
Controlling the weather is much like taking control of your destiny. The Canes are controlling theirs by being a bunch of jerks and it’s working for them. Plus, they’ll be able to tell you what happens when a toad gets struck by lightning: Same thing that happens to everything else. *RimShot* - Jay
Carolina Hurricanes - Goose the Cat.
The friendliest, most accessible character, but underneath that facade lies something with the capacity to destroy you, for a little while. - Peter
Chicago Blackhawks - Venom
Once weak, laughed at, and left for nothing, the Hawks, like Eddie Brock, found some mysterious goo that helped them become powerful and intimidating. But just like Brock, the goo feeds on everything, leaving its host sucked completely dry. This is your warning, Windy City fans. - Jay
Colorado Avalanche - The Frost Giants
Once mighty and reigning supreme, the Avalanche, like the frost giants, were slain by a strong, skilled blonde man from the earthly Asgardian realm of Sweden. Sure, they’re kinda good now, but surely Joe Sakic sees Thor and then thinks of Johan Franzen, then folds into the fetal position. - Jay
Columbus Blue Jackets - Nightcrawler
Wily. Fast. Puzzling. Very good at what they do. Nightcrawler and the Jackets are peas in a pod with their confusing displays of “Skill” and head scratching “Solid Defense.” - Jay
Dallas Stars - Star-Lord
This one writes itself. Itching to prove themselves, they’ve got championship history and DNA but seem to find ways to shoot themselves in the foot. Half of existence wouldn’t have been wiped away if they had just kept their cool. - Jay
Detroit Red Wings - Spider-Man
Tons of success. Instantly recognizable. One of the faces of the whole kit and kaboodle.
Historically great and a solid place to start when making news fans. And Just like the books and movies, they’re getting through a reboot. yeah, it can be tough but the payoff will be worth it. We’re just gonna call this era the Clone saga: It sucked, it happened, Better things came afterwards. - Jay
Detroit Red Wings - Captain America
Their logo is iconic, and they long for a past they couldn’t hold onto. - Peter
Detroit Red Wings - The X-Men
Awesome when I was a kid, but their place in the sun was taken by some fucking B-listers called the Avengers now that I’m an adult. - Mike
Edmonton Oilers - The Punisher
They were good. They were happy. They had a life. Then it was all taken away. They almost died. They’ve crawled back to take punishment on those that left them for dead. Problem is, they keep punishing themselves. Womp. - Jay
Florida Panthers - Beast from the X-Men
A talented mutant fighting the internal battle between animal instinct and galaxy brain intelligence. Need I say more? - Jay
Los Angeles Kings - Hawkeye
Effective and vital, but the second you lose the bow, not as effective and vital as before. - Jay
Minnesota Wild - Rocket Raccoon
The forest booby trap scene from Guardians of the Galaxy 2 is the reason. The Wild get underestimated, but they can just flat out surprise sometimes. - Jay
Montreal Canadiens - Namor, the Sub-Mariner
The royalty of the ages, has been at the bottom of the ocean content with its accomplishments, forever hating the land lubbers, constantly saying “Come at me bro!” and then crumpling in a fight that isn’t on their home turf, the ocean. - Jay
Nashville Predators - The Immortal Iron Fist
Magical powers bestowed to a franchise to have limitless power (aka always good defensemen) but is still relegated to walking the beat on the streets looking to take down Kingpin. - Jay
New Jersey Devils - Daredevil
Clicked on all cylinders for a long time but once they lost their sight (Brodeur), they’ve been good but can’t seem to live a normal life. - Jay
New York Islanders - Magneto
Magneto had an island sanctuary for mutants called Genosha, a place where the brotherhood could thrive away from those who would fear them. If that’s not the perfect metaphor for Manhattan and Long Island I don’t know what is. - Jay
New York Rangers - Fantastic 4
In the heart of Manhattan, one of the cornerstone families reside in an opulent building. Always in the conversation, somehow relevant due to their surroundings, still looking for real, sustained success. - Jay
Ottawa Senators - Any Senator from X-Men who wanted to kill mutants
Seriously, the Sens suck, and so do any legislators who think Mutants aren’t human and don’t deserve the rights of other humans. - Jay
Philadelphia Flyers - Wendigo
A member of the Canadian super team Alpha Flight, this crazy beast thing commands attention with its bright colors and is historically very solid. But let’s face it, Gritty is the real answer, here. - Jay
Philadelphia Flyers - Beast.
Partially because of their historical reputation and partially because of Gritty. - Peter
Pittsburgh Penguins - Deadpool
Snarky and once thought to be on its deathbed. Now? seemingly invincible and won’t effing shut up about it. Constant fun ruiner. Seen as a hero to only a select few. (yinzers) - Jay
Pittsburgh Penguins - Black Panther
You can throw their roster over a waterfall, but what’s left is still enough to be fearsome. - Peter
San Jose Sharks - Dr. Doom
Always talking a big game, has the army and power to make a move, still gets beat by a dude who can stretch his body into funny shapes. Always a bridesmaid. - Jay
St Louis Blues - Mystique
Has shape shifted over the years to suit its purposes to try and win. It finally worked. - Jay
St. Louis Blues - M’Baku, the Leader of the Jabari
A vanquished former rival who you begrudgingly have to turn to in order to prevent a bigger threat from achieving victory - JJ
St. Louis Blues - Alpha Flight
Marvel’s Canadian super hero team (St. Louis has the most Canadian players of any team). Alpha Flight was created as background characters for the X-Men, much like St. Louis’s entire existence for the Red Wings until this past year. - Mike
Tampa Bay Lightning - Tony Stark/Iron Man
All the right moves, comes from humble beginnings, smart as hell, overconfidence a fatal flaw, still very good at what they do. - Jay
Toronto Maple Leafs - Justin Hammer/Corporate stark Enemy
An offshoot of stark success, but just so very bad at quality control and execution despite it’ flashy and revered exterior. - Jay
Toronto Maple Leafs - Yon Rogg.
For a while they seem like they are unstoppable, then in the first round of the playoffs, they are blasted 100 yards away into a cliffside. - Peter
Toronto Maple Leafs - Ronan the Accuser
A petulant blue shitheel who is more reputation than accomplishment and whose ultimate goal to bring a terrible unstoppable offensive power to bear is a gaping hole in his defense. - JJ
Vancouver Canucks - Puck from Alpha Fight.
Seriously, just look at the guy on the internet. Even has the Canuck mustache. This is a one-timer on an open net. - Jay
Vegas Golden Knights - Ultron
Assembled from the pieces of discarded designs, took the league by storm because it knew everyone’s weaknesses. One of the toughest foes in history. GIANT chip on their shoulders. - Jay
Washington Capitals - Colossus
The Russian Machine Don’t Break. The Russian Steel Skin Don’t Break. Nuff Said. - Jay
Washington Capitals - Colossus.
Obvious Russian connection. A seemingly immovable force that actually can be defeated, temporarily. - Peter
Winnipeg Jets - Major Maple Leaf
Very much an actual marvel character. From Canada. Died. Son took the mantle. Looking for a big win. Aren’t we all. - Jay
Winnipeg Jets - Angel.
This one’s simple. Both have very impressive wings. - Peter
And now for some bonus comparisons!
“Wednesday Night Rivalry” - Iron Fist guy
The NHL really wants it to be important and dramatic and cool and it’s just bland. could also apply to the Sabres I guess - Sara
Gary Bettman - Thanos
He doesn’t care how many people hate him, and he’s willing to destroy everything to make a point. - Peter
Department of Player Safety - Hawkeye
Mostly useless, every now and then they do their job, and the whole thing should just be thrown off a cliff. - Peter
Dan Carcillo - Ant Man
Overcoming his past to fight for what’s right.
I hope you enjoy this article as much as we enjoyed writing it. Now it’s your turn! Tell us your comparisons in the comments. We’re going to record the next episode of Fer Sure next week, and it’ll be out on the 18th.