Welcome back to the eve of a brand new hockey season, folks! With the new season comes a new reason to live. Of course I’m talking about the light we bring into your world through the magic of our BOLD PREDICTIONS. In case you’re unfamiliar with the concept, we’re all going to tell you what’s going to happen this season and stake our entire internet reputations on how insanely intelligent we are. However, we have a BOLD twist to our predictions: After everything is said and done, we’re actually going to live up to the stuff we got wrong instead of pretending like we never said it.
Heading into day two of the predictions, we’ve got the more-experienced guessers. As a reminder, each person gets four predictions to post and we’ll all have responses to those predictions. The person who gets the most right will get to write the bragging recap post and will also get to wear my crown as the undisputed master of prognostication.
As always, feel free to put your own predictions in any one of the three BOLD PREDICTIONS posts this week. We’ll give shout outs to the best of them when all is said and done.
Detroitnr1
1. The Detroit Red Wings will win the Stanley Cup.
| J.J. | Cool jinx |
| WingedOctopus | Are we talking this year or… |
| Jeff | Yeah if they change their colors to black & gold and rename their team the Bruins. |
| Kyle | don’t |
| uvgt2bkdnme | Put the controller down. |
| Graham | Every year someone predicts this, and every year it’s a jinx. |
2. John Tavares wins the Hart Trophy.
| J.J. | Who? |
| WingedOctopus | Did I accidentally click an Islanders blog? |
| Jeff | Hey, the Islanders might actually be good now. This wouldn’t be THAT crazy. |
| Kyle | He plays for the Islanders. |
| uvgt2bkdnme | Who will win what now? |
| Graham | You’re 5 years too early with this one |
3. Stephen Weiss scores over 55 points for the Wings this season.
| J.J. | I have a guy on Twitter who promised to eat TWO hats if Weiss is good. I’m rooting for this one. |
| WingedOctopus | After a preseason spent with Ferraro and Nestrasil on his wing… |
| Jeff | lol |
| Kyle | I will eat my own ass if this happens. |
| uvgt2bkdnme | I said put the controller down. |
| Graham | And is still outscored by Valtteri Filppula by 10 points |
4. The Pittsburgh Penguins narrowly miss the playoffs…and win the draft lottery.
| J.J. | Next year’s big NHL fashion trend is foil-lined headwear. |
| WingedOctopus | They draft a goalie at #1 again |
| Jeff | …only if Crosby gets arrested. |
| Kyle | It is literally impossible to do this in the Metropolitan Division |
| uvgt2bkdnme | GM Jim Rutherford follows up by re-signing Marc-Andre Fleury to lifetime extension. |
| Graham | Or they’ll finish 2nd in the lottery and trade Crosby to move up a spot. |
Jeff
1. Brendan Smith will lead all Red Wings defensemen in points.
| Graham | 20 points from a defenseman is not that big a deal |
| uvgt2bkdnme | NHL.com’s stats servers crash. |
| Detroitnr1 | Jakub Kindl finishes in a close second place. |
| J.J. | NHL Scoring decides to give points to Defensemen for turnovers |
| Kyle | Jeff loves the Bruins |
| WingedOctopus | Thanks for jinxing Kronwall’s groin. |
2. Henrik Zetterberg scores at least 30 goals.
| Graham | That sound you hear is Zetterberg’s spinal cord imploding on itself |
| uvgt2bkdnme | Would have had 40 if he didn’t bank 10 of them off Abdelkader. |
| Detroitnr1 | In the playoffs as he guides the Wings to Cup #12. |
| J.J. | Immediately called the most-overrated player in hockey by bitter dickholes. |
| Kyle | Jeff loves the Bruins |
| WingedOctopus | At least 7 of these goals are due to his beard distracting the goalie. |
3. Bruins will not win the Atlantic Division.
| Graham | Get ready to see some truly amazing Tuukkaa Rask temper tantrums this year |
| uvgt2bkdnme | Torey Krug, Reilly Smith not who the Bruins thought they were. |
| Detroitnr1 | Because the Red Wings will. |
| J.J. | Turns out Shawn Thornton really WAS the glue holding them together. |
| Kyle | Jeff loves the Bruins |
| WingedOctopus | Because Jarome Iginla is a big selfish meanie for wanting money in exchange for hockey services |
4. Tyler Seguin puts up 100 points.
| Graham | Jeff has some how become aware of Ty-Ty’s off-ice scoring system |
| uvgt2bkdnme | *PIMs #FTFY |
| Detroitnr1 | Over the course of the next four seasons. |
| J.J. | Bonus: Loui Eriksson and Reilly Smith combine for fewer than 50 |
| Kyle | Jeff loves the Bruins |
| WingedOctopus | Why do we care about him again? |
Thoughts? You got any predictions left in you?
