Which Red Wing Could Beat Sasquatch?

I had a dream... It wasn't anything like Martin Luther King's dream but it did result in much deep thought and an involuntary frustration with Luke Glendening*

It started out a night like any other sleep-less night, with tossing, turning, and mumbling "I hate you Jakub Kind" as I finally start to slip into the sometimes frightening world that lied behind my eyelids.

Dreams can sometimes be helpful. They may help us resolve fears, issues, or things holding us back in life. Sometimes however, they're a twisted mashup of the thought-surfing in our minds. This particular night, proved to be the latter.

I was stuck deep in the woods somewhere that looked eerily similar to the woods in Jurassic Park, I was having trouble finding my way out of the woods and it was starting to get dark out. There was no panic in me however, because I wasn't alone, and surely my companions and I would come up with a plan to seek shelter for the night and then escape. Yes, Griffins Captain Jeff Hoggan and the Wings very own Luke Glendening were by my sides.




Wait, what's that sound?


Guys! Be quiet, there's something out there!

*shuffle shuffle*

RUUUUUUUUN! It's Sasquatch!

Yes, Sasquatch was chasing myself, Hoggan, and Glendening through the woods and let me tell you it was quite a sight.

We ran for a while but it was getting dark and we were tired and there was no way we could outrun him for long. So we decided we were going to have to fight him off, or somehow make him decide he didn't want to chase us anymore. Suddenly, Glendening had the bright idea to throw rocks at the Squatch to dissuade him. Being pelted with rocks isn't fun, so it was worth a try. There was one big flaw in Luke's plan. HE COULDN'T FREAKING HIT SASQUATCH! He was throwing rock after rock after rock, and none of them were hitting the beast. Oh sure, they were bouncing off trees, and metal radio towers, and proving to be hazardous to Hoggan and my well being, but they weren't doing anything to Sasquatch. I may even have heard ol' Squatch laughing at him.

My alarm woke me up before I could beat Glenny over the head and use his limp body as a distraction while Hoggan and I escaped, but needless to say I woke up pretty peeved at Glendening.

So, this dream got me thinking about which Red Wing I would most want to be stuck in the woods with if we had to take on Sasquatch. Danny Cleary might scare him with his zombie eyes, but his knees would probably snap off, and no one's scared of a leg-less zombie. Joakim Andersson would probably trip himself, and I'd be able to outrun him that way, but if he also took me out while he was tripping, we'd be eaten for sure. After much deliberation, I decided there was only one conclusion I could ultimately come too. If I were stuck in the woods battling Sasquatch, there's no Wing I'd rather be stuck with, than Mike Babcock. He's a hunter, a fisherman, he's resourceful, and smart, and handy, tough between the ears, AND if we can't come up with a solution using any of those resources, he can always whip out the death stare and fry Squatch where he stands.

*I do NOT hate Luke Glendening

So, how about it? If you're stuck in the woods with Sasquatch in hot pursuit, which Red Wing would you most want to be stuck with? Which one would you least want to be stuck with? I greatly look forward to reading your answers.

*wrings hand maniacally*