I Do Not Hate Daniel Cleary

There’s nothing you or I can do about it, okay? Nothing. Nada. Zip. Squat. Dan Cleary will remain a Red Wing for another season, and I wouldn’t be surprised he if sticks around for longer. Why? Because the organization is hung up on it’s ancient ways of playing the loyalty card to it’s veteran players. Sure, I get it. Give back to the people who gave you so much when you needed it most. I mean, we’re only fans over here. We buy the tickets, watch the games, fill the arena, wear the sweaters, and drink the over-priced beer that you provide.. Why not show a little loyalty to us outside of giving us the occasional bobblehead. I’m getting off topic here, but re-upping Daniel Cleary isn’t quite the ideal way of showing fans that you are committed to the excellence that this organization has been so ravenous for over the past two decades.. Do I hate Dan Cleary? You know what? No, I don’t. I really do not hate the guy at all. So what if he looks like something off of the film 28 Days Later, and has knees held together by chewing gum and paper clips? So what if his possession numbers are more negative than the Red Wings fanbase on the opening day of free agency? I don’t have beef with Lieutenant Dan.. I just hate the way he’s rolled out into the Joe on a red carpet, naked on a white unicorn like he’s been the mucilage that has made this brick house stand for so long.

I’m a die-hard, people. You can call me crazy or stupid for writing this article, but the fact of the matter is that Cleary was a factor in bringing this city it’s 4th Stanley Cup title in 15 years back in 08-09. I’ll tip my hat to him for such things, but I will also be the first to say- “God…. DAMMIT, Kenny.” You didn’t have to sign him. Sometimes you just simply need to move on. It’s like that relationship in high school.. You’re both moving in different directions with life, and it just doesn’t make sense to keep it together.
With that being said, I will say this: Daniel Cleary is a complete dork if he actually turned down a multi-year, multi-million dollar contract with the Philadelphia Flyers. To be clear, I don’t know if I really believe if that offer was real.. It could very well be a spurious maneuver to create leverage against Ken Holland and his inability to simply move on from the good old times.

I’m not saying that this is a smart move by management, however I am saying that I hope Dan Cleary bounces back this season and provides what’s left in his tank. I’ll tell ya what, I’d much rather have him on the first line than Justin “The ‘S’ in USA Stands for Suspended” Abdelkader. Why? Because fuck it, that’s why. The impending snubbing of Tomas Jurco appears to be a product of re-signing Charlie Bucket but there’s still a good chance he cracks the lineup. Is Tomas Jurco better than Dan Cleary? Of Corsi is (Try the veal), and I think once Cleary’s season begins, and his knees turn to mashed potatoes (the boxed kind that aren’t very good, not the kind grandma makes), Jurco will put on his cape and come flying into this city like Clark mother-fucking Kent.

Anyways, to reiterate, I don’t hate you Dan Cleary. I just really hate that this had to happen. I wish the team could fully perpetrate to what clearly saved it’s ass last season. I wish Kenny would just take the youth-movement out for a nice steak dinner, buy it a nice bottle of scotch, nuzzle it, and spoon it while saying “yes… yes, I love you.. you have earned this.” BUT, since I can’t confidently say that Ken Holland is caressing a full-blown evolution of youth, I suppose I’ll just let you know.. I don’t hate ya, I just hate that you’re given the chance to be here again. Me no want to watch Charlie Bucket. Me want watch young guy score goal and have fun. *pounds table with fist*

We can kick and scream about Dan Cleary being here for another season, but he can’t hear us. He has his one Stanley Cup ring plugging his ear.. Um, the other ear probably doesn’t work. Or something. Anyways, Danny ol buddy ol pal, a little hint: Come into training camp with the ability to shoot right-handed. The diggers will write about you for a week straight and all that good-ass stuff. So I guess he’s here to stay. Let’s make the best of it, eh? Let me get things started:

Do you hate Dan Cleary