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No Foolin’! Red Wings 3 – 2 Avalanche

A bit annoyed that it took a super glove save from Jimmy Howard in the waning seconds to preserve two points at home against the terrible Avalanche. But why complain, right gang? Let’s be happy just one time. After having their lunch money stolen and replaced with useless Canadian currency yesterday by Blackhawks, the Wings could only go up. And they did … in the STANDINGS! These jokes write themselves, children. (Note: I have not looked at the standings in like four days, please never listen to me.)

To the bullets:

  • Missed the opening minutes of the hockey game due to the Tigers game running a little long, so I’ll fill this space with how I would assume Mike Babcock would assemble 4 lines, 3 d-pairs and a goalie out of Tigers players:/

Don Kelly – Justin Verlander – Joaquin Benoit

Miguel Cabrera – Victor Martinez – Rick Porcello

Jhonny Peralta – Omar Infante – Andy Dirks

Doug Fister – Drew Smyly – Justin Abdelkader, somehow

Austin Jackson – Max Scherzer

Torii Hunter – Gene Lamont

Phil Coke – Paws

Alex Avila

Healthy scratch: Prince Fielder

  • And NBCSN was blacked out in my area too, so instead of hockey I got televised poker. I will now fill this space with how Mike Babcock would play out a heads up hand in a $700,000 pot against pocket kings:

/Babcock lays down Queen-4 off suit, flips table over, storms off/

  • I made a comment a couple weeks ago to someone that Abdelkader, because he’s scored with every other part of his body seemingly, will score a goal with his dick before season’s end. He scored one tonight with his shaft. Close enough.
  • Your score after one period of play: Detroit 1, Colorado 0, Chicago 5.
  • Jonathan Ericsson failed on a breakaway attempt coming out of the penalty box early in the 2nd period. If you missed it and want to picture how it looked, just imagine “Jonathan Ericsson on a breakaway” and whatever it is will be close enough. Pretty sure the forward position Ericsson used to play in his younger days was power forward for his church basketball team.
  • That Damien Brunner goal was all sorts of #feelings. Brunner buried one to end his goalless streak, but Gustav Nyquist stole his thunder a bit with a fantastic setup. Nyquist had to spin around at the top of the circles, avoid two d-men (granted they play for the Avs, but still), while deking around a broken stick on the ice, and placed it perfectly in Brunner’s wheelhouse to give the Wings a 3-0 lead. This goal was so great that Graham’s wife is now pregnant with another little girl, contracts Graham.
  • Lots of player movement and trade discussion going on in the NHL tonight with Jay Boumeester heading to St. Louis, Miikka Kiprusoff rumors heating up, and Toronto desperately trying to find a way to mess with their goaltending situation. Detroit tried to join in by dressing Valtteri Filppula in a Vancouver Canucks jersey for the 3rd period “Just to see how it looks.”
  • Henrik Zetterberg missed his second straight game after the Wings said that an MRI on his groin revealed “something”. Uh yeah dude it’s called his balls. I’m not a scientist but I’m pretty sure you can play with one, maybe even two of those.
  • Carlo Colaiacovo made his return after being out for over two months with an injured something of his own. (Honestly forgot what it was. I am not the greatest fan or writer.) Kudos to him for his diving poke check of Matt Duchene which somehow didn’t cause him to end up with a punctured lung or amputated neck.
  • It wasn’t caught by TV cameras, but sources from the Joe tell me that the first thing Pierre McGuire did when stepping between the benches tonight was pee everywhere to cover up Larry Murphy’s old pee marks.
  • How fun was that last minute or two, ay? After the Avs pulled to within 3-2, I drew a picture of Brendan Smith chained to a pipe in my basement, and I yelled at it. I yelled at it and poured hot water on it. It made a mess on my carpet. Two minutes later I stepped in it with my sock on and got mad again. Don’t watch sports, is what I’m getting at.
  • There are millions of Mickey-isms, but “They’ll have to get nasty between the ears” is a first for me. They have to think dirty thoughts? That didn’t get me anywhere in high school! Good bye friends thanks for reading Winging It.

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