I decided to write my letter to Santa a little early this year and he gets a lot of mail so I wanted to make sure he gets my letter with plenty of time to spare. I wanted to share with you what I’m asking for, and maybe you can all send letters with your wishes as well, that way we’ll all have the team we want next year.
From the desk of helmerroids
Dear Santa,
There are many things I want for the Red Wings this year, but even in your almost infinite power, I know there’s only so much you can do. I have been very good this year and I definitely have NOT gone on profanity-laced rants on Twitter so you don’t even need to bother reviewing my feed. Because I have been such a good girl generating lots of good content and spreading good cheer, please take into consideration my list of Red Wings wishes:
Anthony Mantha never gets sent back to Grand Rapids and is a Red Wing forever
Now I know this is a two-part wish, which is kind of against the rules, but hear me out. Mantha is a Red Wing. Full stop. I will destroy the universe before I see him go to some other team even though they will appreciate him more than the Red Wings do. He has been one of our best forwards and has no business playing anywhere but right where he is, preferably with Zetterberg and Tatar. He has been put down, sent down, and let down but he still fights back and tries his best to prove he deserves his place.
Break the curse that has befallen Nyquist, Tatar, and Sheahan
Talk about snake bit. Come on Santa, please show some compassion for this poor trio. Goals are hard enough for this team to come by so we don’t need these three guys slumping all season. Even if just one of them could break out, it would be fantastic. Help that Goose get loose. Let us be entertained. Get smiley about Riley (ok I know that was bad but I couldn’t think of anything better, and if he isn’t going to score I’m not going to try too hard).
Goals
I don’t care what Red Wing scores as long as they put it into the opposing net. I don’t care if it bounces in off of two butts and an elbow, there is no goal too garbage for this team right now. We have stellar goaltending and we reward it with nothing. If you won’t give us goals, then please give Jimmy Howard a never-ending stack of milk crates to break in frustration.
No more penalties on Dylan Larkin
He’s a precious angel who never does anything wrong and I don’t know why the refs don’t recognize that.
Good health for Mike Green
We need Green. We need him to be 100% every game because our defense is already full of holes and we can’t afford to lose Green right now. If he needs extra health, he can have some of mine.
Stop trying to make Lashoff happen
Put Sproul in the game, don’t cause him to be afraid of making mistakes as that always ends in disaster for our kids. There’s no point in sitting him, the only way he is going to get better is to play, there is no point in playing Lashoff over Sproul and I blame it on the bleeping preserve the streak insanity. Developing our new core is more important than scraping out wins, besides we aren’t scoring anyway, and at least Sproul isn’t afraid to shoot the puck.
End the powerplay
Please let us never go on another powerplay, we can’t handle it, and I don’t think even you can fix it.
Grant the WIIM community the strength to endure.
We aren’t used to losing and we need a little extra help coping this year. Grant us with the ability to be articulate in defeat and joyous in victories, no matter how small.
In closing…
Santa, that’s all I will wish for this year. Thank you for your consideration. I don’t think any of it is too much to ask and as I mentioned I have been more than adequately behaved this year, so please grant my Christmas wishes. The milk is in the fridge, there’s a glass on the counter, and cookies will be in the usual place along with carrots for the reindeer.
I remain yours faithfully,
Sara
P.S. Please also have the Red Wings finally make the Al Sobotka swinging an octopus action figure we’ve all been waiting for.
What are your wishes for the Red Wings? Let us know in the comments!
Let’s Go Red Wings!
