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Things I Have Read This Week Which Make me Laugh: Fondo Ain’t Got a Motor in the Back of her Hondo

[Disclaimer: This post has nothing to do with hockey. It has zero point and no redeeming value. You have been warned]

Forgive me. It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these and the reasoning isn’t as good as some of the past entries. I almost didn’t because the person who brought me the laughs practically begged for the attention that comes along with being featured in one of these. In the end, I just didn’t feel right not sharing in the awkward rage and diet-vitriol that got thrown into my inbox by a guy after he earned himself a pretty quick ban.

Unlike in the past where a commenter flamed out pretty hard and got a CSSI post written about him by another member, this one happened much quicker. Unlike that fun situation, this guy immediately set up a sockpuppet account (which I also banned) and then sent me an email because gosh darnit, he was going to make ABSOLUTELY sure that he got the point across how little he values everybody’s opinion.

The mysterious Hondo spent all day yesterday writing increasingly insulting emails. By the end, it was almost excruciatingly sad and awkward. I half expected him to challenge me to meet him on the football field for a bat’leth duel.

I’ll post the entire email exchange below (minus the emails I had with Graham and Tyler making fun of the guy), but here are my favorite highlights.

  • Starting with the Rifleman’s Creed riff probably got his foot in the door in the first place. Angry dweebs are easy to ignore, but there was certainly something so entertaining and theatrical about this. You know when you get one like this, he’s really just interested in showing off his karate moves.
  • Speaking truth to power. God that gets me tingly.
  • Not once, but twice he uses the gambit of speaking down to me about what words mean (explaining the concept of a postscript and then with the word “escalated”). This is the guy who in his third comment asked what “aspersion” means. Ordinarily, you pick either the too-cool-for-school persona or the pedantic nerd when it comes to fighting over semantics. This guy did both.
  • “Quiet little fiefdom of ignorance.”
  • Ooh a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote! That’s pulling out the big guns to explain your clever rusemanship. Too bad Emerson didn’t actually say that./

I thought I had a pretty good idea with the fanpost thing. I’m disappointed that he dodged out of it because that could have been a lot of fun. Ordinarily, making an example of a troll is a good way to clarify a lesson about how ordinary people act, but this one isn’t really a lesson in anything. I think that’s what makes it so funny.

Just remember to please forgive him his outburst of guttural slang.

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