It’s that time of year again! Time for our writers to make some bold predictions about the upcoming hockey season. If you haven’t experienced this series before, our writers break into groups of three or four, and each make five BOLD predictions for the 2016-17 season. We then respond to our other group members’ predictions.
Wednesday was Volume 1, yesterday was Volume 2. If you missed it, catch up here: Volume 1 – Volume 2.
Feel free to put your own predictions in the comments and/or respond to our predictions in the comment sections.
Today’s group is JJ, Kyle, Graham, and Jeff.
Enjoy our predictions, and check back at the end of the season to see how many came true and how many were just a tad too bold.
JJ:
1. Alexey Marchenko will lead the Red Wings defense in goals this season.
Kyle: Gets put on waivers anyway
Graham: Red Wings as a team set a record for fewest goals as a defense corps with 3
Jeff: Only because Brendan Smith got traded.
2. Shea Weber gets more Norris votes than PK Subban.
Kyle: Habs MSM and fanbase will go nuts and think it was a good trade.
Graham: Both get fewer than Danny DeKeyser.
Jeff: This isn’t really that bold of a prediction.
3. Darren Helm scores at least five shorthanded goals.
Kyle: You mean throughout the rest of his new contract, right?
Graham: You’re like Charlie Brown and the football with this one.
Jeff: All of them on breakaways
4. Jimmy Howard finishes the season with more shutouts than Petr Mrazek.
Kyle: One is better than none, I guess.
Graham: For Edmonton.
Jeff: More losses too.
5. I win this thing so easily I don’t even need to make a fifth prediction
Kyle: OH COME ON.
Graham: Pride goeth beforeth a falleth.
Jeff: Thumbs down.
Kyle:
1. Tomas Tatar leads team (Red Wings) in goals scored
JJ: Made all the more painful by his midseason trade
Graham: Made more impressive by only playing 7 minutes a night.
Jeff: More goals, more fun
2. Frans Nielsen gets consideration for the Selke Trophy
JJ: About three seconds’ worth
Graham: For the record, in your own mind doesn’t count
Jeff: One first place vote from Helene doesn’t count.
3. Steve Ott scores more goals than Drew Miller
JJ: Miller’s own-goal really costs him big-time in this race.
Graham: As long as they keep up the high fives I’m on board with this.
Jeff: …in Grand Rapids
4. One veteran defenseman (Ericsson, Kronwall, etc) plays less than 50 games
JJ: Too much wear-and-tear from playing 28 minutes a night for the first half of the season
Graham: /why not both meme
Jeff: My money is on “etc”
5. Coach makes Dylan Larkin full-time center in all situations
JJ: Especially plane rides
Graham: Even awkward ones
Jeff: I can’t help but think this is a secret bold prediction that Blashill gets fired because you only wrote “coach”
Graham:
1. Ryan Sproul scores at least 5 PP goals for the Red Wings this season
JJ: Grand Rapids’ power play is unstoppable
Kyle: If this actually happens, I will send you an edible arrangement
Jeff: And then loses all his power play time to Kronwall when he returns from another knee injury
2. The Red Wings are within 5 points of 1st in the Atlantic division at the trade deadline
JJ: The Atlantic is really really bad
Kyle: See above response
Jeff: Hope is not a strategy
3. Frans Nielsen leads the Red Wings in points
JJ: Pulling too hard for this one to talk shit on it
Kyle: Yeah, this is a good prediction
Jeff: Didn’t realize Dylan Larkin changed his name
4. Jonathan Ericsson is not a Red Wing by the end of the regular season
JJ: Midseason team name change to the Little Caesars Pizza Pizzas met with widespread scorn among fans and pizza lovers alike
Kyle: Again, I’ll seriously send you an edible arrangement. The fanciest one. Chocolates, pineapple, whatever the hell you want.
Jeff: …but the Red Wings will eat at least half his cap hit
5. Steve Ott has more goals than double minor or major penalties
JJ: Goes on to star in long-awaited second season of Firefly
Kyle: Gets two-year extension afterwards
Jeff: JJ, Ott definitely looks like Alan Tudyk (R.I.P Firefly)
Jeff:
1. Brendan Smith gets traded
JJ: To the Bruins, where Jeff can finally stop pretending about his fandom and embrace it.
Kyle: To Dallas for Mattias Janmark
Graham: A demotion to Grand Rapids doesn’t count as a trade.
2. Riley Sheahan scores at least 20 goals
JJ: Would have been bold enough predicting he puts 20 shots on goal.
Kyle: If that happens, he’s going to donate a large sum of his salary to puppies and kitties!
Graham: Jeff Blashill declares him to be the NHL’s best 3rd line center.
3. Mike Babcock wins the Jack Adams Award
JJ: Going to be awkward to fire him that early, but whatever works.
Kyle: I will log off of Twitter for the rest of my life
Graham: They take it away from him after they realize the dCorsi of Jake Gardner got slightly worse, proving Babs sucks at coaching.
4. Tyler Bertuzzi plays at least 5 NHL games
JJ: Then Steve Ott’s suspension ends and we never hear from him again.
Kyle: I just don’t agree with this!
Graham: Getting a 2013-14 season vibe because of injuries.
5. Red Wings miss the playoffs
JJ: Braid my ass-hairs with your tongue.
Kyle: We shouldn’t have asked Jeff to do this
Graham: All because Brendan Smith scores an own goal in OT in the last game of the season.
