Ok, so earlier today you got to see the also-rans with their cute little BOLD PREDICTIONS waste everybody’s time by mistaking factory-discarded misprinted Scrabble tiles for runes in their weak efforts to look into the future. Now it’s the champions’ turn.
In 2.5 seasons’ worth of doing this, one foreseer has been able to equal my own powerful gift of foresight. Since we’re awesome, Graham and I get our own post for BOLD PREDICTIONS. Come check out how right we are about everything (but I’m slightly more right)
Graham
1. Bobby Ryan outscores Daniel Alfredsson by at least 25 goals
[J.J.]: So are you predicting Bobby Ryan will score 70?
[Jeff]: …but Alfredsson still puts up more points.
[Chris]: No. Just no.
[Michelle]: In NHL 14.
2. Stephen Weiss outscores Valtteri Filppula by at least 40 points
[J.J.]: On an IQ test
[Jeff]: I hope Flip can recover quickly from his future torn ACL.
[Chris]: Ok. Filppula is not that bad.
[Michelle]: After Filppula quits hockey mid-season to become a professional male model.
3. The Blackhawks win the Central by at least 30 points
[J.J.]: That’s almost not bold enough.
[Jeff]: I’d sure hope so… they get to play the Predators so damn much.
[Chris]: I know that the Central is really average. But 30 points. I don’t know.
[Michelle]: Then get swept in the first round of the playoffs after beating up on lesser teams all season and forgetting how to play real hockey.
4. Joakim Andersson does what Darren Helm couldn’t: score 5 shorthanded goals in a season
[J.J.]: Darren Helm is like Batman with the broken back. There’s no way he lets Joker beat him.
[Jeff]: Only because Brendan Smith gives him all the shorthanded opportunities.
[Chris]: But can Andy score 5 in the postseason? Didn’t think so.
[Michelle]: With the Griffins… After he rides his pink unicorn back to Grand Rapids.
5. Loui Eriksson leads the Bruins in scoring, while Tyler Seguin doesn’t get more than 30 points this season
[J.J.]: Yeah, I’m rooting for this.
[Jeff]: You’re all just haters. Seguin 4 life.
[Chris]: No. Seguin wins the Hart and Eriksson is traded back to Dallas for a bag of pucks.
[Michelle]: Seguin gets at least 30 points… on his drivers license from speeding while trying to get out of Dallas.
6. The Red Wings finish first in the East during the regular season and represent them in the Stanley Cup Finals
[J.J.]: Welcome to the Beastern Conference, bitches.
[Jeff]: Not unless they get a goon to fight.
[Chris]: What is up with all of you and putting fact in the “bold” predictions!
[Michelle]: All the Eastern Conference teams petition the NHL to send the Wings back to the Western Conference.
J.J.
1. Niklas Kronwall scores more points than Erik Karlsson
[Graham]: Is “Points While In The Air” a thing?
[Jeff]: Only becauase Matt Cooke slices up Karlsson’s other achilles.
[Michelle]: En route to Sweden’s gold medal finish in the Olympics.
[Chris]: Once again, you can’t put fact in the bold predictions.
2. In honor of the sum of Red Wings retired numbers equaling his old number, Joakim Andersson scores the game-winning goal on March 6th
[Graham]: NEEEERRRRRDDDDDDD
[Jeff]: And 6 minues 3 equals 3… so he’ll score a hat trick too.
[Michelle]: Patrick Roy goes berserk, jumps onto the ice and tries to fight Jimmy Howard.
[Chris]: On an assist from Datsyuk, the next Wing to have his number retired.
3. The Vancouver Canucks finish behind the Dallas Stars in the Western Conference
[Graham]: As a Chargers fan, I understand how difficult it can be to not play in a shitty division any more.
[Jeff]: Thanks to Seguin’s 30 (or more) goals.
[Michelle]: In penalty minutes.
[Chris]: How long does Torts last? Mid-season at best?
4. Darren Helm scores two shorthanded goals this season
[Graham]: 3 less than the new best penalty killing center on the team, Andersson.
[Jeff]: …with the Griffins on his 5th rehab stint once he injuries everything else in, on and around his body.
[Michelle]: In air hockey…with one hand tied behind his back.
[Chris]: If he plays.
5. One player receives a suspension of double-digit games (which isn’t an automatic 10-gamer)
[Graham]: I can’t wait to read BizNasty’s version of events on his Tw……just kidding only idiots follow him.
[Jeff]: Tootoo better get his money’s worth when he runs Tuukka Rask.
[Michelle]: Jimmy Howard for snapping and body slamming Brendan Smith mid game.
[Chris]: Take your pick of Torres, John Scott, and Tim Thomas and this is probably correct.
6. The Nashville Predators miss the playoffs (again)
[Graham]: Duh. They’re terrible.
[Jeff]: It’s Ryan Suter’s fault.
[Michelle]: Shea Weber goes on a head smashing rampage… Only has to pay a $2,500 fine.
[Chris]: But Seth Jones though…
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There you have it, folks. If you’ve already blown your BOLD PREDICTIONS into the last post, you can make up for it by posting actual good predictions here. Remember, we’ll revisit these later and give credit where credit is due to the commenters who are both bold and correct in their predictions.
