Welcome back to the eve of a brand new hockey season, folks! With the new season comes a new reason to live. Of course I’m talking about the light we bring into your world through the magic of our BOLD PREDICTIONS. In case you’re unfamiliar with the concept, we’re all going to tell you what’s going to happen this season and stake our entire internet reputations on how insanely intelligent we are. However, we have a BOLD twist to our predictions: After everything is said and done, we’re actually going to live up to the stuff we got wrong instead of pretending like we never said it.
Finally we get to the perfect and actually-correct predictions (also Graham’s). The only people to have actually won this thing get to go last because that’s where you’re supposed to save your best stuff for. As a reminder of the stakes, the person who gets the most right will get to write the bragging recap post and will also get to wear my crown as the undisputed master of prognostication.
As always, feel free to put your own predictions in any one of the three BOLD PREDICTIONS posts this week. We’ll give shout outs to the best of them when all is said and done.
Graham
1. The Red Wings will have at least one player finish in the top 10 in the NHL in goals at the end of the regular season.
| J.J. | Luke Glendening |
| Jeff | Tatar time! |
| Detroitnr1 | Anthony Mantha will score 45 goals in the nine games he plays for the Wings. Franzen scored five goals in a game once, anything is possible. |
| uvgt2bkdnme | Dan Cleary |
| WingedOctopus | Abby after Datsyuk perfects the bank shot |
| Kyle | It’s Miller Time |
2. Gustav Nyquist and Tomas Tatar both finish in the top 3 in points on the Wings at the end of the regular season.
| J.J. | The other? Luke Glendening |
| Jeff | Both behind Brendan Smith. |
| Detroitnr1 | People are still content with trading one of them for Tyler Myers. |
| uvgt2bkdnme | Dan Cleary |
| WingedOctopus | Because nobody else can stay healthy |
| Kyle | All credit to Riley Sheahan’s saucer pass |
3. Dan Cleary scores 20 goals this year.
| J.J. | I promised I’d eat an avocado if this happens. Go ahead and let me down, Dan Cleary. |
| Jeff | I have no snark. This is just stupid. |
| Detroitnr1 | For Grand Rapids. |
| uvgt2bkdnme | Dan Cleary |
| WingedOctopus | Is this for like air hockey or what? |
| Kyle | Avocados all around if this happens |
4. Ryan Sproul and Xavier Ouellet both play at least 27 games for the Wings this year.
| J.J. | Putting them just behind Kindl, Lashoff, and Quincey, who all get into at least 80 each. |
| Jeff | Not if Nick Jensen has anything to say about it. |
| Detroitnr1 | Ericsson’s finger injury lingers on. |
| uvgt2bkdnme | Dan Cleary |
| WingedOctopus | I wish. |
| Kyle | Scores more goals than all the D combined |
J.J. (Reigning Champion and all-around handsome dude)
1. The Toronto Maple Leafs will win the draft lottery
| Graham | Which will lead them to ruining one of the best prospects of the last decade like only the Leafs can |
| Jeff | …and pass on Connor McDavid. |
| Kyle | Trade first overall pick for Dave Bolland |
| uvgt2bkdnme | 1967 |
| WingedOctopus | They’ll trade it for another goalie |
| Detroitnr1 | The Leafs will trade their pick early on in the season to Pittsburgh. The Leafs will then finish last in the NHL, and the Penguins will draft McDavid. |
2. Dallas will finish ahead of Colorado this season.
| Graham | In points and STD diagnoses |
| Jeff | Led by my main man Tyler Seguin. |
| Kyle | lol Brad Stuart |
| uvgt2bkdnme | I thought these were called “BOLD” predictions? |
| WingedOctopus | Predicting the reverse would have been far more bold |
| Detroitnr1 | In the draft lottery. |
3. Darren Helm will lead the league in shorthanded goals.
| Graham | Thanks to one of several glitches in NHL15 |
| Jeff | Thumbs up. |
| Kyle | in his GM Mode on NHL 15 |
| uvgt2bkdnme | In a strange plot twist, Helm is permanently taken off the penalty kill. |
| WingedOctopus | He also leads the league in flips caused by breakaway goalie collisions |
| Detroitnr1 | This is will (hopefully) happen. No snark here. |
4. Henrik Zetterberg will finish ahead of Pavel Datsyuk in the Selke voting.
| Graham | Both finish in the 30s, |
| Jeff | But behind Patrice Bergeron. |
| Kyle | His beard finishes ahead of himself |
| uvgt2bkdnme | Outsiders hilariously complain about a “Red Wings bias.” |
| WingedOctopus | Something tells me this will have more to do with games played than anything |
| Detroitnr1 | But Datsyuk wins the H(e)art Trophy. |
There you go, folks. The winners.
